In My Life
by kek123452003
Summary: Sequel to "And So It Goes"
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **_In My Life_

**Author: **Kelley

**Category: **J/D

**Rating: **PG-13 to R

**Disclaimers: **I own neither any TWW characters/stories nor any part of the Beatle's catalogue of songs. Though if wishing made it so…

**Feedback: **You know you want to tell me what you thought of my story so just go on ahead and do it.

**Notes: **This is the sixth story in my "Love" series and it follows "And So It Goes". The background for this story is it is the year 2005 and Josh and Donna have been married for about three years. They have two daughters, eight year-old Emma and two year-old Natalie. Emma is the biological child of Donna and Dr. Freeride who came to live with Josh and Donna shortly after they got engaged. President Bartlet resigned after Abbey died in 2004 and Josh is now a United States Senator from Connecticut, with Toby as his C.o.S. Sam is estranged from Josh and he is running for Governor of California aided by CJ and Leo. Donna has an older sister and a younger brother, Nicole and T.J. Nicole is involved with Toby and T.J. is married to Ellie Bartlet; together they have a one and a half year-old son, Shawn. Josh's closest friend in Congress is a representative from Atlanta named Bobby Harrington.  It is Christmas of 2005 and Donna is currently three and a half months pregnant.

Manchester, New Hampshire: December 25, 2005 

The soft rays of sunlight began to filter their way into the bedroom, casting a golden hue across the room and it's occupants. Shielding her eyes from the bright light, Donna nestled herself further into Josh's embrace, her mind languidly stirring itself into consciousness. As she remembered what day it was, she groaned inwardly at all the work she was going to have to accomplish before the girls woke up.

'What do I need to do this morning?' she thought slowly, idly stroking Josh's upper arm. 'Get up, finish the stockings, find the Christmas music, start breakfast… that's it I think. Am I forgetting something?' Almost at once, she felt a sensation in the pit of her stomach; a sensation she'd been forced to grow accustomed to, and her eyes flew open. 'Oh right, I have to throw up,' she managed to think as she leapt out of bed, completely forgetting about her husband as she raced to the bathroom. Basically collapsing onto the floor in front of the toilet, she emptied out what was left of her stomach into the porcelain bowl. "This kid is already driving me insane," she mumbled, leaning back against the tub when she was done.

"But you have no one to blame but yourself," Josh quipped, surprising her as he came into the room. He poured her a glass of water and handed it to her, sitting down next to her on the floor.

"You helped," she accused him as she rinsed out the acidic taste from her mouth.

He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and tugged her down so her head lay on his chest. Donna had been running herself ragged the past couple of weeks to get Christmas ready for the girls, as she always did each year, but it was tougher on her this year with the pregnancy. "You okay?" he asked her, kissing the crown of her head.

"I'll live," she sighed, tracing random patterns on Josh's tee shirt. "I just forgot how much the first trimester wears me out. I never remember being this sick with either of the girls."

"Did you talk to Helen about it?" he asked her, referring to her OB-GYN and good friend, Helen Harrington. Donna had had an appointment with her two days ago, before they left for Manchester.

"She just said that every pregnancy is different and that the baby and I are okay," she answered quickly, not meeting Josh's eyes. As if that was going to fool him.

"And…" he hedged, tilting her chin up to look at him.

Hesitating, she finally admitted, "But if it keeps up, after the holidays, she wants to check me into the hospital."

He pulled back and looked at her, a little stunned. "Why is this the first I'm hearing about it?" 

"Because it's Christmas, you've been working a lot, and we were getting ready to come up here," Donna listed, trying to defend herself. "I just thought--"

"Just thought that the health of my wife and child meant nothing to me?" Josh asked crossly. He pulled his arm off her and stood away from her.

Donna hung her head, sorry that her actions had gotten him this upset. "I'm sorry," she apologized, looking up at him with tears in her eyes. 'Hormones; I hate hormones,' she thought bitterly as she felt the waterworks begin. "I didn't think…I was just…I'm sorry."

Having no counter-argument whatsoever for seeing Donna in tears, Josh calmed down and went to pull her into his arms again. "It's okay," he whispered in her ear, rubbing her back as her tears ebbed away. "I know you meant well but you gotta tell me these things, Donna, so I can help you and the baby; that's my job." He rocked her carefully back and forth for a couple of minutes as they both relaxed. "What did Helen tell you to do to get better?"

"Nothing," she said, pulling back and wiping her eyes. "Just minimal stress and to try to rest as much as possible."

"Okay then, you're going to bed and you're staying there today," Josh declared, tugging her up gently.

"Josh, I can't. It's Christmas," she argued, weakly struggling against him.

"I don't care what day it is, you're staying in bed all day and there isn't a damn thing you can do about," he asserted, pulling back the covers and carefully forcing her onto the bed to lie down.

"What about the girls?" she argued, even as she felt her body begin to sink back into the mattress. "They need to spend Christmas with both their parents."

"We'll do the presents and all that later today, with you, so they won't be scarred irreparably for life."

"Joshua Lyman…" she began to threaten as she tried to push herself up into a sitting position.

"No," he said firmly, grasping her shoulders as he sat in front of her. He could see how tired she really was and he cursed her damned stubbornness. "What the girls need is for you to be healthy and strong this Christmas so that next Christmas they can spend it with their baby brother." 

"You want a boy this time?" Donna asked him as she lay back down, knowing that he was right but hating being so weak at the same time.

He rested his hand on her stomach, rubbing the slight protrusion that had begun to form. She may have been experiencing a bad bout of morning sickness but it had definitely not affected her appetite or weight gain. "I want a healthy baby in my arms in about six more months," he told her, climbing over her legs to spoon her from behind, never relinquishing his hold on her stomach. "And if it happens to come out of you with a penis, than so be it."

"I think a boy might be nice," Donna whispered dreamily, resting her head on the pillow. Her eyes, of their own accord, started to droop close. She felt Josh's breath flutter the hair on the back of her neck and the gentle caressing of his hand on her stomach was lulling her back into sleep. "I think Xavier will be a nice change."

"Xavier?" Josh questioned, kissing her neck. "Who's that?"

"Our son," she replied, yawning. "Our baby boy, Xavier Noah Evan Josiah Tomasso Tobias Lyman."

"Might want to trim that name down a little bit."

"He's gonna look exactly like you," Donna continued, rolling blindly over to face her husband. She rubbed his stubbled-cheek affectionately. "With your hair, your eyes, your dimples, your nose…"

"What if it's another girl? What's her name, or names, gonna be?"

"Audrey Joan Lyman," she whispered, snuggling deeper into the covers. 

Josh kissed her shoulder tenderly. "That's beautiful," he murmured into her skin. "Who's she going to look like?"

"A mix of your mom and your sister," Donna said, visibly fading off. 

"How do you know all this?" he questioned, gently kissing her closed eyelids.

"Mother's intuition," she mumbled as her breathing began to even out and she fell back to sleep.

Gazing at his wife in the light of the morning, Josh was always struck by the image of the sunlight basking against her pale skin and blonde hair. He always thought Donna was at her most beautiful in these moments, completely serene and totally oblivious from the outside world. Nothing could disturb her, nothing at all.

"Mommy!" an excited voice called from outside their door. "Mommy!"

Gently easing away from his dozing wife, he tiptoed over to the door and opened it to find Natalie standing outside in her bright red footy pajamas. "Shh," Josh whispered, putting a finger to his lips as he pointed into the room to Donna's resting form. "Mommy's a little sleepy right now."

"Shh," Natalie copied him, nodding in agreement and reaching his hand.

"That's right," he smiled at her as he softly closed the door behind him while Natalie led him away.

"Santa came?" she asked him impatiently.

"Yes, Santa came," he told her, smiling as she started bouncing up and down eagerly in her pleasure.

"Emmy!" she called out to her sister, who was standing in the doorway of her bedroom in her robe and slippers. "Santa came! Santa came!"

"I know, all the presents are out by the tree already!" the older girl revealed gleefully. She went to hug her father. "Merry Christmas Daddy."

"Merry Christmas honey," he replied, giving her a long kiss on the top of her head.

"Can we have breakfast now? Just us, before everyone else wakes up?" Emma pleaded, jutting out her lower lip.

"Absolutely, anything my little girl wants." 

Emma pulled back and looked up at him, annoyed. "I'm eight years old, Daddy," she informed him haughtily. "I am not a little girl anymore." She glanced around the hallway. "Where's Mommy?" she asked.

"Mommy sleepy," Natalie chimed in.

"On Christmas morning?" Josh saw the worry flash through Emma's eyes. "Is she okay?" she asked quietly, turning away from her sister.

"Yeah, she's fine," Josh reassured his daughter, hoping to misdirect her. They hadn't told the girls about the baby yet. In fact, they hadn't told many people yet. Helen knew, obviously, and they'd told Jed last night when he'd accidentally found Josh and Donna going through a book of baby names in one of the studies. "She hasn't been feeling very well lately so she's kind of tired right now."

"She's tired a lot lately," Emma commented. "She goes to bed really early now."

"That's why she needs to sleep right now, so she can feel better and stronger," he tried to explain. "And if it's all right with you guys, we're going to open presents later today, when she's awake."

"But we always open them in the morning!" Emma whined.

"They'll still be there this afternoon," Josh tried to placate his daughter. "And it'll mean a lot to your Mommy if we wait for her."

"But Daddy…" she tried again but Josh cut her off.

"Emma Antonia, you will open your presents later this afternoon or you won't open them at all. Is that clear?" He told her firmly, in a voice that meant there would be no more argument.

"Yes Daddy," she nodded contritely. "We'll open all the presents later with Mommy." 

"Presents, presents!" Natalie chanted as they made their way down the staircase to the kitchen.

"No, no later sweetheart," Josh explained as he sat her in her booster seat at the table. "We'll open them later when Mommy feels better."

"How come she doesn't feel well?" Emma questioned as she sat on one of the kitchen chairs.

Josh set about starting to make some breakfast for them before he answered, "Sometimes people just don't feel very well, that's all."

"But she hasn't felt well for a while and people are only sick for a couple of days usually." Emma eyed her father very carefully. "You're sure Mommy's not sick?"

"I'm positive that Mommy will be feeling better soon," Josh said as he cracked a couple of eggs into a frying pan.

"She sleeps a lot," Emma repeated to herself, getting napkins for her and her sister. "She hasn't slept this much in a long, long time. Not since before Natty was born." Furrowing her eyebrows together, as if she were pondering a problem, she looked curiously at her father. "Daddy?"

Before he could reply, a very cheery Jed Bartlet strode into the kitchen. "Ho, ho, ho!" he declared jovially, kissing each child on the cheek. "Merry, merry Christmas to everyone!"

"Merry Christmas Grampa Jed!"

"Merry Crispmas!"

He turned to Josh. "Merry Christmas, my Jewish friend," he said, going to start the coffee. 

"Merry Christmas, sir," Josh replied. "Can I interest you in some eggs and bacon?"

Jed looked at him strangely. "Since when are you capable of cooking anything?"

"Since little people started barging into my room at five in the morning demanding to be fed," he answered, smiling at the girls.

"You feed them in the mornings?" Jed glanced over the girls and shrugged. "Well, they're still up and running so I guess I'll take you up on that offer." He went to pour coffee for both himself and Josh. "Say, where's Donna? I figured she'd be up and around by now."

"Uh, she's not feeling a hundred percent right now, sir, but she's just going to sleep it off. We'll open presents and stuff later, if that's all right with you sir," Josh said cautiously, stealing a quick glance at the girls. Natalie seemed preoccupied with trying to eat a cloth napkin and Emma was pouring herself a glass of juice near the fridge. "She's had some bad morning sickness lately and her doctor told her to rest as much as possible," he added under his breath so only Jed could hear.

He nodded his understanding. "Of course, of course." Jed clucked his tongue sympathetically. "The things women's bodies can do, Josh. I mean, imagine putting your body through nine months of pregnancy and then God knows how many hours of delivery to bring a baby into this world. Women have got us beat, hands down." He reached for the cream before continuing, in a louder voice. "So I hear Stadler is gonna make a move to get the Medicare proposal out of committee after the break?"

The two men became so engrossed in their political discussion that they didn't notice how Emma's ears had perked up during a certain word in their whispered conversation or the giant grin that she was currently hiding from them as she went back to the table with her drink. Suddenly, an idea popped into her head. "Daddy, can I eat later? I have to do something," she said, getting up from the table.

"But I thought you wanted breakfast now?" Josh asked her retreating form. 

"I changed my mind," Emma simply said, heading back upstairs, much to the amusement of her father and surrogate grandfather.

"And just think," Jed commented sadly. "In about eight more years, that same little face is going to be asking you for the car keys on a Saturday night so she can drink and fornicate with acne-ridden boys."

"I'm building a dungeon," Josh immediately replied, sounding completely serious to Jed's ears.

"That's the spirit," Jed grinned, slapping his back.

Later that afternoon, after breakfast had lured everyone else out of bed and after Josh finally released Donna from bed, everyone gathered in the main parlor to open presents. It was quite a crowd:

Ellie was there with Shawn alone, T.J. being bogged down on assignment in the Brazilian rainforest. He'd been down there since the first of the month, chronicling a species of rare frogs for _National Geographic_, and after a sizeable earthquake the week before he'd tried to fly home but his editor had vetoed it. She claimed that they needed more work from him and even a plea from a former president hadn't changed her mind. Shawn was spending his holiday with only one parent, although that wasn't the first time it had happened in his young life. With two very demanding schedules, T.J. and Ellie hardly ever found time to be a family anymore and were finding it draining. Even though it went unmentioned, if anyone looked hard enough at Ellie, they could clearly see the disappointment and sadness etching her features as she tried to get her son to play with his expensive toys rather than the wrapping paper.  

Eldest daughter, Elizabeth, and her family were all in attendance. Her husband Doug, an investment banker, was on his cell phone for a good portion of the day but his family was used to that by now. Eighteen year-old Annie was finishing her senior year of high school and hating every minute of it. She, like all teenagers, was in the middle of that "I Can't Stand to be Around Anyone With Which I have a Biological Connection" phase and causing her parents no small amount of grief. Currently she was behaving, only because she was leafing through the instructions of her new laptop while her brother, Gus, was playing with the handheld video game that seemed to be permanently attached to his hands.  Elizabeth had long since stopped making Christmas an extravagant affair for her family, so was she was calmly sipping a glass of eggnog while she watched sympathetically as one sister tried to coral her toddler and the other tried in vain to get comfortable.

Zoey, nearing the homestretch of her first pregnancy, was shifting around on one of the plush couches in an attempt to alleviate pressure off her tender back. During her almost nine months of pregnancy, she'd gained nearly forty-five pounds and her enormous stomach hung out in front of her like a zeppelin. Her discomfort was so great that during her seventh month, she was forced to take a leave of absence from her graduate studies at NYU. Charlie, doing his best to be a supportive husband, had cut back on his hours working as a political liaison for a prominent New York City councilman, and arranged the trip for Manchester for the two of them. Their baby was due in about three weeks and both mother and baby were healthy enough to travel down by train. They had decided not to learn the sex of the baby but had names picked out for a boy or a girl, Kevin Charles and Penelope Abigail.

Looking over as Charlie was massaging Zoey's oversized ankles, Donna couldn't suppress the small groan that escaped her lips. In a few more months, she and Josh would be in that exact same situation and it was making her nervous. Even though she'd done it twice already and would hopefully do it a few more times after this one, something about being pregnant always unnerved her. Of course, it excited and thrilled her even more but still something about the process left her on edge. She guessed that it had to do with the knowledge that for nine months, it was solely her duty to protect the life that was growing inside her, despite Josh's claims that it was his job as well. In reality, their baby's well being depended on Donna while it was growing inside of her, and that task was always daunting to her. 

"Hey," a voice brought her back to reality. She turned her head to find Josh crawling to sit behind her. He brushed his lips against her neck as he watched Emma trying to teach her sister the fine art of turning a simple holiday ribbon into a trendy hair accessory. "You all right?" he whispered as he caught her gaze lingering on Charlie and Zoey.

"Yeah," she tried to assure him. "I'm fine, I'm just getting a little nervous about the next few months," she said, motioning with her head towards the young couple.

"You'll be fine," Josh replied confidently, hugging her close. Donna squeezed his arm to show her thanks. "Everyone's going to be fine." He glanced up his daughters, as Emma excused herself for a moment. "Any idea what's up with the oldest child?"

"What do you mean?"

"She's been kind of, I don't know, antsy all day. Really jittery and excitable."

"Well she's a kid and it's Christmas; did you expect her to be huddled in a corner under a blanket?"

"No, what I expected was to have her running up and hugging us after every present, like she's always done. Instead, it's almost been like she wants to avoid us or something." He caught Donna grinning at him like a Cheshire cat. "What's that look for?"

"Nothing," she denied, smiling even more. "It just seems to me like someone is in denial about his precious baby girl growing up a little bit."

"What?!" Josh cried flabbergasted, drawing some attention their way. "What are you talking about?"

"Emma is starting to become more independent and you can't stand it."

"That is not true! She isn't becoming more independent; she's only eight years old."

"But that's when it all starts," Jed interjected as he helped Natalie get tape out of her hair. "First, she's going to want you to park down the street when you drop her off at school, then she'll want to start taking the bus to school where she'll meet lots of new friends whom she wants to spend time with, then come all of the dance lessons and riding classes and sleepovers and before you know it, the only time you see her is when she's grabbing a slice of toast from the breakfast table on the way out to her boyfriend's BMW."

Josh gulped nervously with  a pained expression on his face. "Please tell me you're kidding," he begged his former boss.

Jed smiled knowingly. "Doug?" he addressed his son-in-law.

Doug smiled sympathetically, patting his daughter's shoulder. She promptly shrugged it off as if it had never been there, completely engrossed in her computer. "This is Emma in about ten more years," Doug predicted.

"Oh man," Josh moaned, leaning his head back against the wall while the rest of the adults in the room shared a good laugh at his expense, until Ellie started stage coughing and gesturing towards the door where they could see the subject of their conversation enter the room.

"Mommy, I almost forgot something," Emma said as she walked up to her parents, holding something behind her back. 

"Oh yeah? What is it?" Donna asked, taking note of the way Emma was fighting very hard to suppress a smile and how she was bouncing on the balls of her feet.

"I forgot to give you this present," she replied, thrusting a poorly wrapped square package into Donna's face. 

"Thank you, baby," Donna said, tearing up a little but hormones had nothing to do with it this time. It was a well-known fact that Donna was always a complete softie whenever it came to her girls. She took the present and elbowed Josh slightly. "See? She can even get Christmas presents all by herself now, without anyone's help," she teased her husband, egging on his paternal pain.

"Do not encourage her," Josh ordered her, only half kidding. He smiled brightly at his daughter's expectant face. "What did you get for Mommy?"

"Well actually," Emma corrected her father, "it's not really for Mommy but I thought I could give it to her now and she could hold onto it until then."

"Who's it for then?"

She finally let the grin she'd been holding back spring forth. "It's for the baby," she gushed excitedly.

Josh and Donna looked at each other, more than a little confused. "You mean for Charlie and Zoey's baby?" Donna questioned. "Because I'm sure they can give it to their baby when it's born…"

The child sighed overdramatically, rolling her eyes in exaggerated manner of annoyance. "Not their baby, silly, your baby!" she declared loudly, just so the whole room could hear.

Donna stared at her daughter mutely, her eyes wide with shock. She looked over shoulder at Josh and saw he shared her expression. Both were oblivious to the stares they were receiving from the other guests, they were just stunned at this latest surprise. "Why did you tell her?" Donna whispered to him sharply. "We said we'd wait until after the holidays."

"Me?! I didn't say a word to her!" Josh defended himself. "Why do I automatically get blamed?"

"Because out of the five people in the world who know about this, you are the only one who would be stupid enough to mention it to a little girl!"

"Hey, I'm not a little girl anymore!" Emma interrupted her parents. "And Daddy didn't tell me anything and neither did Mommy or anyone else."

"I don't understand. How did you find out about this?" Josh questioned her.

"You and Grampa Jed were talking about how Mommy was sick this morning and Grampa Jed said how it was so amazing that women can give birth to babies, and I remembered before Mommy had Natty that she was in bed sick a lot like she was this morning and I figured it out all by myself," Emma finally proclaimed, quite smugly.

Josh couldn't help himself; he broke out into a huge grin and reached out for his daughter. He squeezed her onto his lap with Donna and hugged her tightly. "You," he kissed Emma's forehead, "are absolutely incredible."

The little girl rested her head on her father's chest and sighed happily. "I know," she agreed. 

He stroked her hair and smirked. "And not at all egotistical, of course."

"You're a bastion of humility, my dear," Donna chimed in.

"Mommy!" Natalie cried out, toddling over and trying to climb on Donna's lap, hungry for her fair share of her parents' attention.

"Come here, sweetie," Donna said as she hoisted the child onto her lap. She hugged Natalie's back against her chest. Resting her chin on top of her daughter's brown curls, she closed her eyes and smiled contentedly. 'Who cares about swollen ankles and backaches when it gives me this?' she thought, listening to her daughter's babblings as she struggled to un-tape her little fingers. Looking down at her side, she saw the present Emma had brought them. "Can I open this now?" she asked her oldest daughter. Emma nodded eagerly and Donna tore into the flimsy paper barrier to reveal the special gift, a lovingly drawn crayon picture held in a simple wooden frame.

Donna couldn't stop the small tear that trickled down her cheek as she realized what she was looking at. Four people, most likely she, Josh, and the girls, were all together in one room. A small, yellow-haired person, [Emma], was holding up a sign that read, "Welcome Home" as all four of them stood next to a crib.

"See, it's all of us," Emma explained, pointing things out in the drawing. "There's you and Daddy right there, holding hands with each other, and Natty is playing on the ground in front of you and I'm standing right there and we're all saying hello to the new baby." She looked back and forth between her parents. "Do you like it?"

Donna smiled gently at her and leaned over to kiss her cheek. "This is without a doubt the most beautiful picture I have ever seen in my life," Donna whispered honestly.

"I second that opinion," Josh agreed, hugging Emma tighter to him.

"You think the baby will like it?"

"Absolutely," Donna assured her.

"Baby!" Natalie squawked, throwing her arms up, almost breaking her mother's nose in the process. 

"Yep," Josh replied, lowering his youngest child's arms. He looked up at the rest of the room. They had all been silent, letting the Lyman family have their moment together; some of them were trying not to cry while others were smiling widely. Looking over at Donna, he waited until she nodded her head before he addressed the rest of the room. "We're having a baby," he announced sincerely as the room erupted in cheers of congratulations.  


	2. Chapter 2

Willard Hotel, Dining Room:  January 30, 2006 

"$6.50 for a cup of coffee, it never ceases to amaze me," Bobby Harrington mused as he looked over his menu.

"The vast amount of money that we're willing to spend on breakfast beverages?" Josh asked.

"No, the minuscule amounts that legitimate businesses charge for chemical stimulants compared to your neighborhood dealer." 

"Yeah but cocaine will kill you while coffee just gives you the energy to think you want to kill someone. It's not really a drug that way."

"My definition of a drug is something that your body physically needs to function. You're telling me you could make it through a day without any form of caffeine?"

"I'd sooner vote Republican than live without caffeine but I'm an addict; denial is an art with which we are well-versed."

 "And the government of Columbia thanks the Lord every day for that rationale." He cracked a smile as he set his menu down. "But enough about legal addictive substances. Let's talk shop."

"Oh please, let us commence with the talking of the shop," Josh said in a mock groan. He and Bobby were good friends and shared many things in common but the issue that they had to discuss today was bound to cause some minor discontent.

"Patricia McNamara," Bobby began solemnly, "suffered a debilitating stroke ten years ago. She lost her ability to speak, walk, use of her right side, and, in general, the ability to care for herself. She can no longer swallow so she has a feeding tube inserted into her stomach to provide nutritional supplements that she needs to survive. Last week, her husband, who has been living with another woman during seven of the ten years his wife has been incapacitated and stands to inherit about half a million dollars upon Patricia's death, was recently granted the right to have her feeding tube removed from the State Supreme Court of--"

"Connecticut. And Bobby, I know all of the details of the case. I wouldn't be doing my job properly if I didn't," Josh informed him, slightly perturbed. 

"Dan and Frances Wheeling, Patricia's parents, and her sisters have been contesting Mr. McNamara's claims that it was her wish to not be kept alive by extraordinary measures," Bobby continued, unhindered in his efforts to get his point across. "It gets complicated in the courts because--"

"Patricia didn't leave a living will or express any such wishes to her parents and siblings," Josh finished. "The courts had to decide if there was any hope for Patricia to make a meaningful recovery and after six years of hearings and countless medical experts, they felt there wasn't. End of discussion."

"You would think," Bobby challenged. "Except for the fact that many individuals, myself included, feel the decision was inhumane and wrong. It would take anywhere from five to fourteen days for Patricia to die without the aid of the feeding tube, not to mention the fact that George McNamara had no legitimate proof that this is what his wife wanted."

"But legally he holds her medical power of attorney, which gives him the right to make decisions regarding his wife's care in a situation where she can't. Unfortunately, her parents have no legal standing in this matter."

"What about a moral standing? They were her parents; if anyone knew what her beliefs and wants were, wouldn't you think it would be them?"

"How is it the moral thing, how is it the humane thing, to keep a woman in a permanent vegetative state alive?"

"So we let all of those in society that need help with everyday life just wither away as if they didn't matter as much as the rest of us? Where is the--"

"Bobby, Bobby listen to me," Josh broke in, holding up a hand. Things were starting to get heated and it would be the press's wet dream to see two upstanding public servants engaged in a shouting match in a restaurant. "Look, we're talking in circles here. We both know where we stand on this. What is it we're meeting here for?"

Bobby avoided looking at him as he took a sip of his legal addictive stimulant. "There's been an exchange of dialogue through the back channels," he finally said. "Officially, I am here representing the House Committee on Ethical Medical Practices to ask you to release a statement on behalf of your constituents offering the thoughts and prayers of the people of Connecticut to Patricia McNamara and her family."

Josh nodded slowly. "And unofficially?" he asked, already predicting the answer. 

Bobby leaned forward and in a low voice replied, "Hoynes wants you to appeal to the Governor to step in."

Josh chuckled mirthlessly and leaned back in his chair. He glanced around the restaurant and scratched at the back of his head. "Hoynes wants my help on what will undoubtedly be a controversial topic for the entire country," he considered out loud. He looked curiously at his friend. "How'd you get mixed up in this?" 

Bobby shrugged casually. "I'm on the Committee, I copied off the Secretary of Health and Human Services in college, and I'm one of the only four members of Congress that you trust."

"That's it?"

"No, I'm also getting the federal funds I need for the after school program initiatives in Atlanta that I campaigned on." 

Josh smirked knowingly. "So in essence, Hoynes bribed you to talk to me."

"Well you're popular, in your state and nationally. The press likes you, other Congressmen and women follow your lead; he can't afford to ask you this himself. As for me, not all of us have national name recognition and a fifty-eight percent approval rating."

"Hey, it's not my fault that the people love me," he defended himself with a smile.

"Plus, I really do think that the Governor needs to intervene in this case," Bobby added seriously. "Pro-life, pro-euthanasia, I don't care; there's just too many unanswered questions here for my taste." The two were silent for a couple of minutes as Josh mulled the situation over in his head. "So," Bobby finally said, "what do you think?"

"I think," Josh answered slowly, "that if Hoynes wants the Governor of Connecticut to do something, he's going to need to ask the Governor of Connecticut himself."

Bobby nodded pensively. "You sure?"

"Yeah," Josh replied determinedly. "Yeah I am. The government doesn't have a right to force a person to live against their will when there's no hope of a recovery left. It's not what we're here to do."

"I've been instructed to tell you, that if that was your answer, that there would be repercussions," Bobby admitted grudgingly.

"From which side?" Josh asked, frowning. Blackmail and dirty politics held no appeal for him and he loathed those who engaged in them.

"From every which way," Bobby replied with a half smile. "Fund removals, canceled meetings, vetoes. You name it, they'll do it. Hoynes has publicly spoken out against euthanasia. He can't afford for this to get any more exposure. He wants a resolution on this quickly and he wants it to work for him."

"And he doesn't care about prolonging an innocent woman's suffering?" Josh stated tartly.

"He's down in the polls Josh," Bobby tried to appeal to him. "When asked who they'd vote for in the upcoming election, President Hoynes or a Republican challenger, six out of ten people said they want the GOP conducting their meetings in the Oval Office. He's weak and he's scared right now. He needs a win and he thinks he can get it with this."

"Well you can tell President Hoynes that I'd sooner vote Reagan back into office than allow him to use someone's personal tragedy for political gain," Josh declared heatedly. "He wasn't elected to do what is popular, he was elected to do what's right and this is not it!"

"So you'll fall on the sword of nobility for this one," Bobby said simply. "Just because it's what you think is 'right'?"

"Damn right I will!" Josh whispered passionately. "And anyone who has a problem with that can challenge me to a dual right on the Capitol steps."

"Well they could but they'll have to get through me before they get to you," Bobby said, winking."

That threw Josh off a bit. "Huh?"

"The way I see it, only one of us is going to get to be president one day," Bobby whispered conspiratorially. "And call me crazy but that person isn't me. So until that day comes, I've got your back; no one's going to get the best of Senator Lyman if Congressman Harrington has anything to say about."

Josh leaned back in his chair and fixed Bobby with an appreciative gaze. They hadn't known each other that long compared to some of Josh's other close friends. The two had met a few years ago, back when President Bartlet was still in office, when Josh was trying to get Bobby to back off a proposed piece of legislation during the re-election campaign. Since that time, Josh had married Donna and gained his two daughters while Bobby, unfortunately, had lost his teenaged daughter, Sondra. He still had his wife, Helen, and their two sons, Mike and Freddie, but the loss still affected him. Josh was always silently thankful whenever he was at the Harrington's house, where pictures of Sondra still graced the walls, for how blessed he was with his family. 'Family,' Josh thought idly. 'Family…Helen…Donna…'

"Oh shit!" he exclaimed under his breath, reaching for his wallet to pay for his share of the meal.

"What is it?" Bobby asked curiously.

"The ultrasound, it's today and I'm late," Josh shot out, hastily getting up.

"Oh man you are dead," Bobby cringed as he followed Josh. "You're gonna find out the sex today, right?"

"That's the plan," Josh replied as he went to get his coat from the desk. "And just so you know, I'm gonna find a way to blame this on you."

"Me? What the hell did I do?"

"I'm not sure yet but I'll figure it out on my way there." With that, Josh began dashing out towards his car, throwing it into gear once he got in and breaking a couple of speeding limits as he blazed across DC towards Helen's office. He sped into the first spot he could find, locked the car, and made a run for the stairs. He wasn't a young man anymore and he rarely ran for competition but if someone had timed him as he raced up the five flights of stairs, he probably came close to qualifying for the Olympic team.

When he finally got to Helen's floor, he paused for no more than a beat to catch his breath before setting off for Helen's office door. He threw it open and upon seeing a partially filled waiting room, he began to briskly walk towards the receptionist's desk. "Donna," he sucked in a couple of breaths, "Lyman. I'm her husband."

The middle-aged woman looked over him sympathetically. "Mrs. Lyman hasn't checked in yet Senator," the woman informed him.

'What?!' his mind screamed. "What?" he said more calmly.

"Your wife called ahead and said she was running a little late. She rescheduled the appointment for 10:30 am, so I imagine she'll be here momentarily." The receptionist reached down under her desk and produced a bottle of water. "Thirsty?" she offered him.

Sheepishly, he took the beverage and went to find an empty seat. No sooner had he sat down than the door opened and Donna calmly strode into the office. She smiled politely at the receptionist as she signed in on the clipboard before turning to find her husband already there. "Josh!" she exclaimed, surprised. She took in his tired appearance and suppressed the urge to laugh. "I left a message on your voicemail."

"I ran," he whined plaintively. "I ran up all those steps!"

Chuckling, she walked over to him and dropped a chaste kiss on his lips. "I'm sorry," she tried to apologize. "I figured your meeting would run long and I got caught up on the phone with Lily."

"I could've had a heart attack, you know. You could've been in that delivery room all alone in a few months."

"Well, praise the Lord, you survived," she said sarcastically as she lowered herself into the chair next to him. He immediately reached over to help steady her. "Thank you."

"Welcome. So what did Lily want?"

"She wants me in New York next week for the launch party," Donna replied. The launch party she was referring to was for the magazine, _Woman_, for which she was a columnist. The editor, Lily Irving, was one of Donna's oldest friends and they'd been working for months to get the magazine just right before it was published.

"Do you want us to go?" Josh asked, casually leafing through a two year-old magazine he'd found on the coffee table. "I don't think I have anything earth shattering next week."

"I can't," Donna moaned as she massaged the back of her neck. "We have to go to the interview for Natalie's preschool, and Emma has a dentist appointment that day."

"We can reschedule the interview," Josh offered, knowing how much Donna would want to be part of the celebration in New York. She'd worked her ass off for almost a year and she deserved to be recognized for it. "And someone else can take Emma."

"Yeah but Emma also has a bake sale at school coming up, and Nicole and Toby are coming back from Seattle this week and the house is a mess," Donna listed wearily, growing tired just thinking about it.

"You really should not be doing that much, Donna," Josh told her point blank. "It's not good for you or the baby."

"The only reason it's a little hard on me is because your child is exceptionally huge," she rebutted, rubbing her large stomach. She was nearly five months along now but she looked almost like she could give birth tomorrow. She had only gained about twenty pounds or so with Natalie but already, with this baby, she had gained thirty. 

"All the more reason we should look into hiring a nan--"

"No Josh," she cut him off. 

"It's not that big of a deal, Donna."

"I said no, Joshua," she repeated sternly, fixing him with a glare.

He rolled his eyes, taking one of her hands. "It's not going to make you like one of them," he whispered in her ear. "You won't be one of those moms that let's the nanny do everything. It doesn't make you any less of a mother to know when you need some help."

"I know that it wouldn't, Josh, but I don't need help raising my children," she told him confidently. 

"Our children," he reminded her gently, "and I'm not saying we need help raising them, we just need help with some of the everyday things."

"I can do it," she asserted, "I can take care of all three of our children, have a career, support you--"

"Run two houses, drive carpool, be a Room Mother, attend various Congressional functions, travel back and forth between here and New York, throw dinner parties and luncheons, breastfeed, and still find time to shower?" Josh questioned, raising his eyebrows. He watched her face visibly blanch as he went through is list. He patted her knee reassuringly. "It's not just you, Donna; I can think of no one who could do all of that without some form of help." He saw she still wore her stubborn face, despite what he'd said, and he decided to end it. "Will you just think about it some more?"

She sighed dejectedly. "Yes," she finally said. Before they could say anything else, the receptionist called out Donna's name. She struggled to rise out of the chair. "Help," she asked Josh. He reached around and helped her steady her balance as she rose. "Thank you."

"Anytime," he said as he followed her back into the patient area. They were led to a room and Donna was handed the standard gown. She went into the small bathroom to change and Josh was left to explore the examining room. It looked similar to the ones he'd been in when Donna was pregnant with Natalie. There was really little he could do but sit down on one of the stools but being Josh, he found something that grabbed his interest; a small model of fetal development sat on a table near the door. He walked over and picked it up, inspecting it from all angles, wondering what stage exactly his child was at. As he continued his examination, the main door opened, surprising Josh and causing him to drop the small model to the linoleum floor.

Standing in the doorway, Dr. Helen Harrington shook her head with a smile. "How did I know that leaving you alone in a doctor's office was going to cause this?" she said laughingly.

"Because it's me," Josh admitted, smiling tightly as he picked up the scattered pieces and placed them unceremoniously back on the table.

"Helen?" Donna called from the bathroom. "What did he break?"

"Nothing expensive," Helen assured her, going over to prep the ultrasound machine. She pointed to Josh, then the stool. "Sit. Don't move."

"Yes ma'am," he mumbled, feeling very much like a schoolboy being scolded as he sat down. 

Donna came out of the bathroom then, fully changed and walking quickly in her bare feet towards the table. Josh helped her up and couldn't help smiling widely when he saw her exposed stomach through the cut of her gown.

"Okay let's get the preliminaries out of the way," Helen said, opening Donna's file up and poising her pen over the paper. "How do you feel?"

"Enormous," she quipped, patting her stomach lightly. "But other than that, fine."

"Any cramping, bleeding, dizziness…?"

"None. I'm so grateful morning sickness doesn't last past the first trimester for me."

"Well don't say that around some of my other patients, or they're likely to claw your eyes out," Helen joked as she put her stethoscope on to check Donna's heartbeat and breathing. When she was done, she pulled out the blood pressure cuff and wrapped it around Donna's arm. "Feel any movement yet?"

"A little bit the past couple of nights," Donna answered, grimacing slightly as the cuff tightened. "Is that okay? I remember feeling more at this point with Emma and Natalie."

"The baby looks a little large and large babies don't always move as much, not enough room." She made a notation in the file. "Okay, can you step on the scale?" Donna did just that and Helen recorded her weight promptly.

"Oh my God!" Donna groaned loudly. "160? I weighed 157 two days ago!"

"Little known fact to most people, but women actually gain weight during their pregnancies," Helen teased her. "It's perfectly normal to gain as much as 40 pounds or more in most pregnancies." Donna groaned in despair as she heaved herself back onto the table.

"Why can't I be like those fashion model mothers who only gain 10 pounds in the whole pregnancy but still have a gorgeous, healthy baby?" Donna lamented as she lay back down. 

"Well maybe you can't be like them in that way," Josh offered, taking her hand. "But you can be like them in the sense that they have personal assistance in caring for their children."

"Absolutely not," she smirked at him.

Josh turned to Helen, who was wheeling the ultrasound machine near the table. "Helen, can you explain to my wife that our children will still have a healthy relationship with her if we hire a nanny?"

"Helen, can you explain to my husband that I'm thoroughly capable of managing my family, my career, and my duties as a Senator's wife without the help of a stranger?"

"Helen, can you explain to my wife that--"

"How about you two shut up for a minute so I can show you your baby's picture?" Helen asked, smiling as she shook the tube of conductive jelly thoroughly before squeezing some of the cold liquid gel on Donna's round stomach. She flinched slightly from the feel of it but settled down as Helen placed the transducer on her stomach. Helen fiddled with a couple of dials on the machine and within seconds, the familiar *WHOOSH* *WHOOSH* sound filled the room and a silhouetted, fuzzy image appeared on the screen. It wasn't especially big but you could make out the body outline and if you looked closely enough, you could make out the flickering light that represented their child's heartbeat

"Oh," Donna sighed happily, squeezing Josh's hand and giving him a bright smile, which he promptly returned. "Listen to that," she whispered breathily. "That's our baby in there."

"I would hope it's not someone else's," he teased her, bringing her hand to his mouth and kissing her knuckles. He listened to the steady, pulsating rhythm with rapt attention, completely enthralled that it was his child producing that sound. He remembered when he'd first heard that sound with Natalie, when the doctor had pointed out her tiny beating heart on the monitor. He'd never known that something that simple, something that fundamental to life, could be so beautiful. He wasn't ashamed to admit that more than one tear of joy had fallen down his cheek that day, but that didn't compare at all with what he did once she was actually born.

"Can you tell yet, if it's a boy or a girl?" Donna asked Helen, pulling Josh back from his daydreams.

She looked at them both curiously. "You sure you want to know?" 

Donna looked quickly at Josh, who shrugged casually. He honestly didn't care either way, so long as the baby was healthy, but Donna seemed to really want to know this time so he went along with it. "Definitely," she grinned.

"Okay, just give me a sec," Helen said, looking carefully at the picture. She pursed her lips and squinted slightly at the screen, looking for some telltale sign of gender. Finally, she looked over at them and smiled. "Well Josh, you think you can handle being a father to three daughters?"

"It's a girl?" Donna asked, a little surprised but happy. "You're sure?"

"About 95%, give or take," she nodded firmly. There was a movement of shadows on the screen and Donna gasped a little. Helen smirked knowingly. "And she apparently does not like to sit still. Center of attention, this one."

"Oh yeah, definitely Josh's child," Donna theorized, quirking her eyebrows up at him. He just rolled his eyes at her and turned his attention back to the screen. Donna turned back to Helen. "She's healthy though, right? Everything's fine?" she asked, slightly apprehensive.

"She looks just fine," Helen assured her. Josh and Donna collectively breathed an inner sigh of relief and continued to watch their newest daughter entertain them. "Were you guys hoping for a boy this time?"

"Nah," Josh shook his head as he bent his head down towards Donna's stomach, as if he were speaking to it. "I love being surrounded by my women."

"You just love being surrounded by any women," she giggled at him playfully as she stroked his hair. "I don't think I was partial either way but I really thought this one was going to be a boy," Donna admitted. "Because this baby's larger than the girls were at this stage." She turned back to Josh. "Maybe she just inherited your massive ego and that's what taken up so much space in my womb." Neither of them noticed as Helen moved the transducer, searching out a different angle on Donna's stomach.

"You're saying the ego is bad thing to inherit from me? That my child should not be allowed to feel completely superior to almost anyone she meets as I think she should?" Josh bantered with her.

"No, she shouldn't," Donna stated.

"Why not?"

"Because as your assistant, a good portion of my day was spent writing and sending apology notes to those you deemed less superior to yourself. I'm going to be busy enough in my life without having to do that for a kinder--"

"I'll be damned," Helen said in a hushed tone, staring keenly at the screen.

Immediately, Josh and Donna ceased their semi-squabbling and focused all of their attention on the doctor. "What?" Donna finally asked hurriedly, tightening her grip on Josh's hand. "What is it?"

"Is something wro…wrong?" Josh added his own fears in, mentally steeling himself for something bad.

Helen looked at them and did a double take, not realizing for a second that she'd said that out loud. "Oh nothing, nothing," she rushed to reassure them. "Nothing's wrong at all."

"The baby's okay?" Donna asked again for clarification as she felt her heart rate even out.

"Mm-hmm," Helen nodded, grinning broadly at the pair.

"Then what was the, 'I'll be damned' for?" Josh questioned as he rubbed Donna's knuckles to relax her.

Helen cleared her throat and pointed to the screen. "Well, uh, remember how you were complaining that the baby was pretty big?"

"Yeah," Donna drawled, not understanding where Helen was going.

"I was looking at the picture here and to be honest, she isn't all that big. She's actually a little small for this far along in the pregnancy." She pointed to a bulbous ball of shadow on the screen. "She just seemed big because her brother or sister was hiding right behind her."

"Oh," Josh said as if he understood perfectly, nodding his comprehension. After a couple of beats he stopped. "I'm sorry?" he asked, gazing blankly at Helen. But he was still better than Donna, who was just staring in astonishment at the new image.

Helen had to chuckle a little when she saw the picture of disbelief they presented. "It's twins," she finally clued them in. "You're having twins!"

"Oh my God," Donna said again, bringing a hand to her mouth as she watched her babies, both of her babies, on the screen. She looked over at Josh, who was continuing to stare at Helen with uncomprehending eyes. "Josh…Josh," she called for him as the news sunk in. He acted as though he didn't hear her so she punched his shoulder to grab his attention.

"Oww!" he yelped, grabbing his bicep in pain. His eyes met with Donna's as he rubbed his injured arm and in them he could see tears beginning to pool behind the glowing sapphire blue. His eye flickered back and forth between Donna's face and the babies. When he finally settled on her, he took a shaky breath in before he whispered in wonder, "Twins?" She nodded, smiling brightly behind her hand. "Twins?" he repeated, a smile incrementally growing on his face. She nodded even harder than before as the excited giggles overtook her. "Twins!" he cried out reaching for her, pulling her face towards his. He kissed her all over her face as the happy tears strode down her face. "I love you," he managed to murmur into her ear, leaning his forehead against hers.

"I love you too," she said, turning her head to watch in fascination as from the new angle of the ultrasound, she could now clearly she both of her children's shapes. 'Look at them,' she thought. 'There's two of them; two perfect tiny people inside of me right now.' She glances up at Helen, who's stepped aside to give Josh and Donna a minute to themselves. "The other baby's fine too, right?"

"Definitely," she nodded.

"Can you tell the sex? Are they identical?"

"We can't determine if their identical or not from just an ultrasound," Helen informed them. "You'd have to have an amniocentesis for that. It's a fairly simple procedure; we insert a needle into the womb and take fluid from both the amniotic sacs. As for the gender, this one seems a littler shyer than your daughter but we'll be able to determine that with amnio."

"So she should definitely have it?" Josh theorized. 

"I'd say yes," Helen recommended. "Any pregnancy resulting in multiple births is usually categorized as high-risk and I like to do the amnio to check for any birth defects that we can't detect from the ultrasound. But you're young, Donna, you haven't been on any infertility medication that can increase the chances for that, you've had successful pregnancies in the past, and everything appears normal right now so the amnio should just be a formality." She pressed a couple of buttons on the machine and the sound of paper being printed emerged. "Here's something for the baby books," she said handing them a printout of the screen image. Josh immediately took it before Donna could lift her hand and continued his study of his two new children. Helen simply patted his shoulder as she passed him to drop a kiss on Donna's cheek. "You're all set, just schedule your next appointment on the way out. We'll talk more about the amnio then."

"Okay," Donna said, giving her a hug. "You guys coming for dinner on Saturday?"

"Wouldn't miss it." She glanced over at the oblivious Josh, still lost in his wonderings. "Congratulations Dad," she whispered to him as she left the room.

"What…oh thanks Helen," he called out distractedly, finally tearing himself away from the picture. He propped his chin in his hand and smiled at his wife. "Wow," he said, laughing.

"I'll see you your 'wow' and raise you an 'unbelievable'," Donna replied, wiping the goop off her stomach with a nearby rag. 

"We're gonna have twins."

"I know."

"Four kids all together, in one house."

"I can add, Josh."

"An eight year-old, a toddler, and two completely helpless infants all living under one roof."

Donna stopped wiping her stomach and thought about that last sentence carefully and all it meant. 'Four kids, my career, Josh's career…' she thought. Swallowing her pride, she said, "Josh?"

He rubbed her now dry stomach and smiled gently. "I'll ask around the Hill, see which agencies provide the best nannies in this town," he answered her silent question, with just the slightest hint of smugness that Donna let him have a pass on, just this once.

"I'm gonna go get dressed, I left Natalie with the babysitter while she was napping and she'll start screaming if I'm not there when she's up," she told him as she got off the table and went into the bathroom to change.

Sitting alone in the exam room, looking at a picture of the twins, Josh couldn't help but think about Patricia McNamara and her family. Her husband and her parents, both right and wrong, fighting for what they thought were her wishes. He let himself think about her parents, about what they must be going through. As a parent, the only concern in Josh's life was protecting his children. Patricia parents hadn't been able to protect her from her terrible fate and even Bobby and Helen hadn't been able to protect Sondra from hers. What would he do if he were Patricia McNamara's father? Intellectually, he knew that she shouldn't be kept alive against her wishes but in his heart, if it were Emma, could he let her go, no matter how much she suffered? He felt almost nauseous with the thought of it. Staring at his kids, nestled safely inside their mother, he tried to push back a sudden cold feeling of dread that settled in his stomach. Something was going to happen and it wouldn't be good, he could feel it. 'Don't make me chose,' he thought. 'Please God, don't make me have to chose between my children's suffering or my own. Because I'm not sure who's I'd chose.'    


	3. Chapter 3

Lyman Home, Washington DC: February 20, 2006  
  
"Hello?" Josh called out as he shucked off his coat in the foyer of his house. It was just past seven o'clock and he'd arrived home after a particularly good day at work. He'd help secure two votes for an upcoming education bill and he'd tapped a segment for NBC's Dateline, which would air next week. Not many freshman Senators got primetime coverage on their issues and even fewer were able to get Tom Brokaw to return their phone calls, but Josh was incredibly popular across the nation. He was the most recognized non-Party leader working in government and he took advantage of that distinction. Of course, most people just remembered him as the man who got shot with the President and as uncomfortable as it made him sometimes, if reminding people that got his message to others he was willing to do it.  
  
"Hello? Anyone here?" he called through the living room, laying his suit coat and briefcase on an armchair.  
  
"In the kitchen, Mr. Lyman," a booming female voice with a thick Irish accent bellowed from the back of the house. He made his way back there to discover Natalie seated on top of the newspaper-covered island. The little girl was wearing a huge smock and even more paint on her face than was on the construction paper she was working with. Seated next to her was her new nanny, Nanny Gilroy.  
  
Nanny Gilroy was Siobhan Gilroy, a fifty-two year-old Irish woman with a stocky build, snow-white hair, and the sharpest pair of green eyes this side of the Emerald Isles. She was a widow with no children and she'd come highly recommended by the wife of a Congressman that Donna was friendly with. She had stayed with the last family she worked with for almost twenty years, and by all accounts had been completely devoted to the children she'd cared for. They'd grown up though, of course, and Nanny Gilroy had looked for nearly three months for new employment before she had heard from the Lyman's. They exchanged a few phone calls before Donna invited her over to meet them and the girls and the connection was instantaneous; Emma and Natalie had both raved about her and it only took Josh and Donna two days to do a quick, thorough reference check before Nanny Gilroy had been hired two weeks ago. She'd moved into the house with them, taking one of the spare bedrooms, and both Josh and Donna were amazed at how easily she seemed to fit into their family. She watched the girls whenever Donna was working or in New York and also helped with the housekeeping. She was an absolute blessing for them all and Donna was thankful that Josh had been persistent, though she could never tell him that.  
  
"Daddy!" Natalie shouted when she saw her father. "Come see pictures!" she beckoned to him.  
  
"Well I see someone has entered her Blue Period," Josh said, wrapping his arms around his daughter and showering her head with kisses.  
  
"I made a monkey!" Natalie gleefully informed him, pointing to a giant blue blob on one paper.  
  
"Wow, that's beautiful," he praised her, lifting her up and bringing her to the sink to wash her up. She squealed loudly and splashed her father without mercy while he loved every minute of it. "Come on, sweetheart, you don't want Mommy to come home and find that you've been replaced by a walking mass of blue paint, do you?"  
  
"Mrs. Lyman phoned a little a while ago, sir," Nanny Gilroy broke in as she cleaned up the rest of Natalie's mess. "She missed her train and had to take the late shuttle. She'll be back by eleven or so." Donna had gone to New York for her last monthly staff meeting before she started her maternity leave. She would still write from home but at almost six months pregnant, with twins, her doctor didn't want her traveling unnecessarily.  
  
"Okay then, I guess it's you, me, Emma, and Nanny Gilroy for dinner then," Josh said to Natalie, wiping off her hands with a dishrag.  
  
"Uh sir," Nanny Gilroy said cautiously, motioning with her head towards the doorway. Curiously, Josh strapped Natalie into her booster seat at the table and gave her some crayons and paper.  
  
"Make me a masterpiece," he commanded playfully, squeezing her nose as she blew him a raspberry. He walked over to Nanny Gilroy and asked, "What's wrong?"  
  
"I think perhaps something happened to Emma at school today, sir," she informed him gently. "When she came home from school, she went right up to her room without a peep and hasn't come down since. I've gone up to check on her but she won't tell me what's the matter."  
  
"Could she just be coming down with something?" he guessed, furrowing his brows at the uncharacteristic behavior of his oldest.  
  
"I checked her temperature and it was normal," Nanny Gilroy offered. "And if I may say, sir, she doesn't look sick; she looks.sad and confused."  
  
Josh nodded thoughtfully. "And she wouldn't talk about it at all?"  
  
"I've looked in on her several times and every time, she's just sitting by her window, looking out at nothing."  
  
"Okay," he murmured, mulling over all the possibilities in his head. "I'm gonna go talk to her. Can you feed Natalie, get her settled down?"  
  
"Of course, sir," she nodded and set about caring for Natalie while Josh climbed the stairs to Emma's room.  
  
He knocked twice on her door and waited for a reply. Hearing none, he slowly turned the knob and pushed the door open. "Em? You in here?" he asked glancing around. She wasn't sitting by her window anymore and he didn't see her anywhere else. Then he noticed the small lump curled up on her side on top of the twin bed. "Emma? Are you asleep?" he whispered, softly situating himself next to her near the headboard.  
  
"No," she feebly whispered, not moving. She was holding her favorite stuffed dog, Petey, tightly to her chest, and from the raspy quality of her voice he could tell that she'd been crying.  
  
'Okay, something is definitely wrong,' he thought worriedly. Emma was not a child who cried often; she exuded happiness and cheerfulness nearly all the time, and even when she was sad or angry, she wasn't prone to tears. Something had obviously happened to her and whatever it was it hadn't been good.  
  
"Honey, what's wrong?" he asked her softly, reaching to rub her back. He felt her tense under his touch but she didn't day anything, so he continued. "Did something happen at school, or on the bus?" Still no response. "Did you have a fight with one of your friends?" Still nothing, and now Josh was starting to panic. He knew that Donna would be calmer if she were dealing with this with him, but Josh was always jumping to the worst-case scenarios when something happened to the kids, and all of the scenarios he thought of now terrified the hell out of him. "Emma, turn around and look at me," he ordered, trying to gently roll on to her back.  
  
"No!" she said forcefully, shrugging away from him and remaining as she was.  
  
"Emma, what happened?" he asked her again, struggling to remain calm. He didn't want to upset her anymore but right now, her behavior was terrifying him.  
  
"Leave me alone!"  
  
"I won't leave you alone like this. Something happened to you today and it's upsetting you and I don't like it so you'll tell me what happened right now, young lady," he ordered, raising his voice as he tried to make her look at him again.  
  
"No!" she cried defiantly, still fighting him.  
  
"Emma Antonia, I am your father and I'm telling you to do something so--"  
  
"No you're not!" she declared, sitting up and looking him straight on.  
  
"I'm not what?" he asked, holding onto her shoulders as gently as he could.  
  
"You're not my father!" she cried, pulling away from him again with tears in her eyes.  
  
Though he didn't really remember the circumstances, he remembered the pain of being shot. He recalled a feeling of deep burning pain in his chest, like someone was repeatedly pounding at it with a searing hammer. He imagined it must have been like an explosion had occurred inside of him, with tiny parts of him scattered every which way, while the empty space inside of him was occupied by a constant throbbing. In short, it had been the worst pain imaginable, a pain so terrible he'd convinced himself that nothing else on this Earth could hurt him that much; he'd been wrong. Hearing those four words come out of his daughter's mouth, it was like a pain he could never have contemplated existed until now.  
  
Even as he felt everything inside of him collapse and fall apart, his mind could still make out Emma's pitiful sniffling and her slight hiccups. Mustering up all the strength he had left, Josh asked her, "What.what do you mean, Emma?"  
  
"You're not my Daddy, my real Daddy anyways," she said calmer than before, not looking at him.  
  
Listening to her repeat the words didn't make it any easier, but at least now he knew he hadn't misinterpreted her. "What makes you say that?" he asked, needing an explanation as to where this was coming from. In the time that he'd known her and loved her, she'd never once made a mention of her biological father, Ben Peterson. He had been the infamous Dr. Freeride and after Donna had given birth to their child, she gave Emma to her own grandmother to raise while she worked in DC. Emma had moved to DC to live with them once her mother and Josh became engaged and ever since then, she'd always referred to Josh as her father. He'd adopted her shortly before being elected to the Senate and had always treated her like his own, so it stunned him for her to be saying these things.  
  
Using her arm to wipe at her eyes, she continued to stare at her little stuffed animal as if it held all the answers to her questions. Finally, she took a deep breath and looked up at him with her big blue eyes, her mother's eyes. "At school today," she began quietly, "in art class, we started working on our family trees. We had to put the names of the people in our family and how they're related to us on these paper leaves, and then hang them on our trees. I finished all of my leaves and started putting them on the branches when Tommy Forrester pointed at your name and asked me, 'Who's name is that?' and I told him it was my Daddy's." She swallowed hard and he could see her lower lip starting to quiver as she remembered the encounter. He ached to hold her in his arms, to protect her from the pain she must be feeling, but he knew she wouldn't accept it just then. So he impatiently waited for her to continue. "And then he said that you weren't my Daddy, not my real one. I told him he was stupid and that he was really wrong about it. But he said he'd watched the news with his parents a few nights ago and then his parents said that you weren't my real Daddy. You talked to the reporter person and then afterwards, he heard his mommy and daddy say that Mommy had me before she met you." She stared up at him hopefully, desperately. "Is it true?"  
  
Josh would have sold his soul to the Devil if he could have lied to her at that moment. If he could tell her that Tommy Forrester had been playing a mean joke on her and of course she was his and had been from the moment she was born, just like her sister. He would have killed himself and almost anyone else if he could say he was her biological father, just so she wouldn't look at him with such deep-seeded pain in her eyes. What he really wanted, though, was to go back in time and turn down every single solitary interview request he'd ever given. If only he could have foreseen this happening one day, he would never have opened himself or his family up for that type of scrutiny. But he couldn't, no matter how much he wanted to, he couldn't undo time or genetics and he couldn't lie to her either. So his only option left was honesty.  
  
"Yeah sweetie," Josh said regretfully, nodding slowly as he carefully selected his words. "You were already born when I met your Mommy." He watched as Emma lost her battle against her tears, as she bowed her chin to her chest and as her shoulders began to shake. He just wanted to cry along with her but he knew he couldn't. Instead, he gently cupped her face in his hands and forced her to look up at her. "But that doesn't mean I'm not your father, Emma. I didn't need to be there when you were born to be your father. I've been your father since the minute I saw you and I will be until the day I die, I swear."  
  
"But it's not the same," she whimpered as if she hadn't heard him.  
  
"What isn't the same?"  
  
"It's not the same as Natty," she tried to clarify. "You don't love me the same way that you love her. Because she's yours and I'm not."  
  
That did it. He could no longer hold back the tears that came with seeing his child in such despair. Using more strength than he liked, he pulled her into his lap and rocked her gently, smoothing her hair as she cried into his shirt. When he finally reestablished some control, he whispered in her ear, "Emma, I need you to listen me right now." Slowly, she pulled back from him and looked up at him. Tenderly stroking her reddened cheek he said, "I love you more than anything in this world. There is absolutely nothing that I wouldn't do for you. The same goes for Natalie and for the twins that Mommy is having and for any other child that we may have." He swallowed around the lump in his throat before continuing, "You're my daughter, Emma. My child, my first born, and I love you so much that sometimes it makes my heart hurt because there's so much love in it for you. It doesn't matter to me one bit that I haven't been with you since you were born; what matters to me is that I'm going to be your father for the rest of your life. That's how a father is supposed to love his children and that's how much I love you."  
  
She sniffled quietly, wiping her nose with her shirt. "So much that your heart hurts?" she questioned weakly.  
  
"And then some," he tried to assure her. "What could have ever made you think that I could love you any less than your sister?"  
  
"Tommy," she told him bitterly, scrunching up her nose in distaste.  
  
"Do you want me to go to school with you tomorrow and steal his lunch money?" he tried to joke with her. He thanked every deity he could think of when she cracked a small smile and shook her head. But almost as soon as it appeared it disappeared to be replaced by a questioning stare.  
  
"What do I call him?" Emma asked, switching topics.  
  
"Call who?"  
  
"The Daddy that was there when I was born," she elaborated, biting at her thumbnail.  
  
"Um," Josh began, trying not to feel the normal resentment he usually felt whenever he let himself think of Ben Peterson. "Well, the correct term is he's your biological father."  
  
"Biological father," she repeated slowly. "What is his name?"  
  
"Ben," he replied quietly. "His name is Ben."  
  
"Do you know him?"  
  
"No, I don't."  
  
"Do you know anything about him?"  
  
"I know that he's a doctor," he told her, being careful of what information he gave her. She really was too smart for her own good sometimes and Josh and Donna had to be very careful about what she was exposed to. "But that's it really. Your Mommy didn't ever talk about him with me a whole lot so I can't tell you much about him."  
  
"Can Mommy tell me?" she asked innocently.  
  
He tried not to feel jealous. He knew it was a natural reaction for Emma to have, for any child, to want to know where they came from. But no matter how much he rationalized it to himself, he couldn't help but feel that perhaps if he had been a better father, she wouldn't have this curiosity for information about her birth father. "Yeah, she probably could," he finally said. "But she's not going to be home until way past your bedtime and you have school tomorrow. I'll tell her what we talked about when she gets home and tomorrow she can answer your questions for you. Can you wait until then to talk to her?" She nodded thoughtfully. "Okay, good." He glanced at her bedside clock and saw that nearly an hour had passed. Nanny Gilroy would be getting Natalie ready for bed, so that meant he and Emma could have some more quality time together. "It's time for dinner, just you and me," he said, standing up with her in his arms. She was getting to the point where she was almost too big to carry but that didn't matter to Josh, especially tonight. "I'll make you anything you want, you name it."  
  
"Grilled cheese with tomatoes and bacon?" she asked, practically salivating at the thought.  
  
"You got it," he told her as they made their way downstairs, their relationship a little fractured but still solid.  
  
Later that night, after the kids and Nanny Gilroy were tucked into bed, Josh decided it was finally a good time to indulge in his sorrows. Retrieving a sixteen year-old bottle of scotch from his bottom desk drawer he wandered into the family room, picking up a glass on the way. There he began to rifle through the collection of videocassette tapes Donna kept in the drawer under the television until he found the one he wanted. He popped it into the VCR, pressed 'Play', and settled back against the sofa.  
  
The screen was black for a few seconds and then the image of a cozy living room appeared on the screen. The camerawork was shaky and the sound quality poor but Josh wasn't looking for a cinematic experience; he was looking for something more meaningful.  
  
"Come here, my darling," a delicate female voice said off-camera, a voice graced with a familiar Italian accent.  
  
"Ab ba la bal," a tiny, cheerful voice gurgled loudly. And then there she was. Emma, at six months old: crawling on her great-grandmother's carpet towards the camera. Her bright blue eyes gleaned with joy as her little arms and legs carried her forward. Josh sipped his drink and smiled softly at her face, at the milestone he hadn't been able to be a part of.  
  
"That's my big girl," the woman's voice broke in. The camera panned to Donna's grandmother, Mena Falansio, the woman who had raised Emma until she was almost five years old, as she scooped Emma up from behind. "I am so proud of you. That was your first crawl," she cooed to the child, cuddling her to her shoulder. Mena turned her towards the camera and waved one of her little arms. "Can you say hello to your Mommy? Can you say we miss you but we hope you're having fun on the campaign?"  
  
"An um mh mh," Baby Emma chortled, gnawing on her great-grandmother's hair. The camera zoomed in on her face and Josh paused the movie. He stared at the cherubic face, frozen in a time and a moment when Josh hadn't been her father, hadn't even known she existed. Donna had not told anyone about Emma until the child came to live with them and in some small way, Josh resented his wife for keeping her from him. They hadn't been together at the time but he always felt he'd been robbed of a chance to share something with her. Of course he couldn't truly be angry at Donna for it; she'd missed so much of Emma's early years because of her life in Washington and technically, that was because of Josh. How could he blame her from keeping Emma from him when he'd inadvertently kept Emma from her?  
  
"Josh?" he heard from the doorway. "You conscious?"  
  
'Speak of the devil,' he idly thought. "I am alive, Donnatella," he sighed, slightly slurring his words. "Just a little inebriated."  
  
"Ah," she replied as she lumbered towards him. Her stomach was highly pronounced under her sweater and one hand was supporting her lower back. Twins may be two times the joy of one baby but they were also two times the weight. "Rough day on the Hill?"  
  
"No," he said cryptically, taking another sip of his drink. "Not at work." She was standing in front of him now and he pulled at her waist until her stomach was at eye level with him. He nuzzled his face against the wool of her sweater and he could hear the faint heartbeats of his two newest daughters. "How are you two doing in there?" Josh asked them. "Slowly driving your mother insane again?"  
  
Donna smiled and ran her fingers through Josh's hair. "They've declared a ceasefire in their battle against Mommy's internal organs," she told him. She noticed the scotch on the coffee table and she rubbed his neck supportively. He never brought out the scotch unless he was particularly morose. "What happened?" she questioned gently.  
  
His response surprised her. "Am I a good father?" he asked, still leaning his head against her stomach.  
  
She immediately pulled back and took his face in her hands. "Of course you are," she said passionately, making him look in her eyes. Lowering herself gingerly, she sat on the coffee table and continued her diatribe. "There is no one on this Earth that I would rather have children with and there is no one that I can think of that tries as hard as you do to be a good father. How could you ever think that you weren't--"  
  
"Emma told me I wasn't her father," he interrupted stoically. He didn't look at her but he felt her let go of his face so he downed the rest of his drink and he reached over to the bottle to refill it. "She said I wasn't her father the way I'm Natalie's and she wanted to know about her birth father."  
  
"How?" Donna asked him quietly, stunned. She stared at the spot on the couch were Josh had just been sitting as she felt the news wash over her like a tidal wave.  
  
"One of her classmates saw a news interview I did and his parents made a point of mentioning in front of him that you had Emma before we even met," he answered bitterly.  
  
"Oh God," Donna moaned, laying her head in her hands. This was not a situation she was prepared for. She knew it was foolish but she had always hoped Emma would never have any questions about Ben, never want to know anything about him. And she especially wasn't ready for her daughter to be asking these questions when she was only eight. 'How do I explain to her he didn't even want her born?' Donna thought, horrified. "Was she.was she upset?" Donna asked her husband.  
  
Josh chuckled dourly. "She spent all afternoon in her room alternately trying not to let anyone see her cry and trying to convince herself that we hadn't been lying to her."  
  
"We haven't lied to her," Donna rebuked determinedly. "You're her father, you have been for years and you will be for the rest of her life."  
  
"She thought that I loved her less because I wasn't her birth father," he said dejectedly, collapsing back on the sofa in front of Donna. He shook his head in disbelief and Donna's heart broke for him. Emma meant the world to him and to have her not understand that couldn't have been easy for him to deal with. "How could she ever think.? What did I do that made her believe.?" he trailed off and went to take another sip of his drink but Donna pulled the glass away from him and sat it beside her.  
  
"Josh," she began ardently, "if you had to you would hold up a gun to any person on this planet, myself included, and pull the trigger if it meant protecting Emma from harm." He didn't stop her to disagree so she continued. "You would do the same for Natalie and the same for these babies. How do expect a child to understand that kind of love and devotion?"  
  
"They couldn't," he whispered. "I don't even understand why I do the things I do for them sometimes." He rubbed his hand over his face tiredly and sighed. "I know that she's just confused about everything now and she can't really understand what she's saying, but it just killed me to think that I hadn't done enough for her somehow."  
  
"I know," Donna soothed, gliding her fingers through his hair. They sat there silently for a moment, taking comfort from one another as they faced this latest challenge. "What did she want to know about Ben?" Donna finally inquired.  
  
"Just stuff like his name and what she should call him," he shrugged listlessly. "I couldn't really tell her much." He stared at her thoughtfully. "You know that you have to, right?"  
  
"Yeah," she nodded, going to sit next to him. She rested her head on his shoulders and felt him wrap his arm around her.  
  
"What are you going to tell her?"  
  
"Whatever she wants to know, within reason."  
  
"How come you never talk about him with me?" Josh asked, saying out loud what he had wondered for some time.  
  
"I don't know," she replied tiredly. "There was never really any need to. He wasn't a part of my life that I look back on fondly. The only worthwhile thing he ever did for me was Emma, so." She paused for a moment.  
  
"What? You can tell me," he prodded her gently.  
  
"Ben was the first man that I ever really loved, or I should say that I thought I ever really loved, outside my family," she admitted. "And he just used me time and again and every time that I had had enough and left, I always ended up going back. I relied on him so much emotionally and I.I didn't want you to think I was weak. For staying with him as long as I did."  
  
"I'd never think that about you," he promised, kissing her forehead.  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Maybe you gave into him sometimes but when it really mattered, you stood up to him."  
  
"Why do you think that?"  
  
He pulled back slightly and smiled at her. "Because we have Emma."  
  
"Yes, we do," she agreed, nodding slowly as her eyes drifted over to the television screen and Emma's toothless grin. She pushed herself off the couch and held a hand out to him. "Bedtime," she decreed. He willingly complied and they headed off to bed.  
  
The next afternoon, Donna was sitting in her car in front of Emma's school, waiting for her daughter. She had no idea how Emma was going to react to what they had to discuss today. Would she want to see Ben, have a relationship with him? Would she just be completely indifferent to him? Would she be angry with her mother for not telling her? Donna wasn't sure; she wasn't sure if this was the right thing for Emma or for them as a family, but there was no turning back at this point.  
  
Emma emerged from the building a few minutes after the bell rang and immediately spotted her mother's car. She walked slowly towards it, her shoulders hunched and her expression preoccupied. She opened the door and climbed into the seat, buckling her seatbelt without a word to her mother.  
  
"Hi baby," Donna tried to open up communication.  
  
"Hi," Emma replied softly, looking down at her mittens.  
  
"How was school?" Donna asked as she started the car.  
  
"Okay," she said in the same tone.  
  
'Enough beating around the bush, Donna,' she thought to herself. "Emma, I know you're upset about what happened yesterday," Donna told her as she eased into traffic. "But you and I need to talk about this and we can't do that if you're giving me one word answers to my questions."  
  
"Are we going home now?" Emma asked suddenly, looking at her mother.  
  
"Why? Do you not want to go home right now?"  
  
"Do you remember when I first came to live with you and we lived with.Daddy in that apartment?"  
  
"Yeah," Donna said, noting nervously Emma's hesitation on referring to Josh as her father.  
  
"There was a park near there that we used to go to sometimes," Emma continued. "Can we go there instead to talk?"  
  
"Um.sure," Donna said as she began to change directions to head back to their old neighborhood. The pair was silent for the fifteen-minute ride to their old Georgetown neighborhood. When she and Josh had gotten engaged, they had lived with Emma in Josh's old apartment. Once Josh decided to run for the Senate and Donna became pregnant with Natalie, they had moved to Connecticut but that apartment and that neighborhood had been the first place they'd lived together as a family. 'Maybe that's a good thing that she wants to go back there,' Donna thought, pulling into a parking space on the sidewalk. "We're here," Donna said unnecessarily to fill the silent void. Emma didn't say anything back, just got out the car and waited on the sidewalk for her mother as she pushed herself out of the car.  
  
"Does it feel funny?" Emma inquired as she and Donna began walking towards the nearly deserted park area.  
  
"Does what feel funny?" she replied, grateful that Emma seemed to be opening up slightly.  
  
Emma pointed to her stomach. "Having two babies inside you instead of one," she clarified.  
  
"A little," Donna answered. "I can feel them moving around more than I did with you and Natalie."  
  
"Who moved the most?"  
  
Donna smiled at her inquisitive child. "Actually, I think it might have been you."  
  
"Really?" Emma said, smiling a little.  
  
"Yep, you were always a big ball of energy that couldn't be contained even when you were inside me."  
  
Emma began to look contemplative, like she was in deep thought. "Did my birth Daddy like to feel me move?" she finally asked hesitantly.  
  
"What?" Donna said, not sure she'd heard her.  
  
"Dad.Daddy puts his hand on your stomach a lot because he says he likes to feel the twins move," she elaborated. "Did my birth Daddy like to do that with me?"  
  
Donna stopped walking and pulled on Emma's hand, directing her to a nearby bench. She turned the little girl to face her and prayed fervently that she would do this right. "Emma," Donna began seriously. "I was very young when I had you; I was younger than Zoey was when she had little Kevin. Your birth Daddy was young too and baby, sometimes when people are young, they're not always ready to be a mommy or a daddy. It's a lot of responsibility to be someone's parent and your birth Daddy wasn't ready for that." 'So much so, he wanted you to be a pile of biological waste in the bottom of a dumpster,' she thought to herself, still very bitter and angry over Ben's selfishness all those years ago, though she would never in a million years say that to Emma. "Do you understand that?"  
  
"I think so," Emma nodded slowly.  
  
"It doesn't mean that he doesn't love you," Donna said ardently. "He does love you, Emma. I promise you that."  
  
"He just wasn't ready to be my Daddy."  
  
"Yeah," Donna confirmed. "And by the time he was ready, you already had a Daddy."  
  
"But you were ready to be a mommy?"  
  
"Yes I was," Donna simply said, smoothing Emma's blonde locks. "I was so ready to be your mommy and you have no idea how happy it makes me to be a mommy."  
  
"What was he like?" Emma asked curiously.  
  
"Your birth Daddy?" The child nodded tentatively. "Um, his name is Ben and he's a doctor."  
  
"What kind of doctor?"  
  
"One who delivers babies. He actually delivered your cousin Shawn." Though Donna neglected to mention she'd been there when it happened, trying to force Ben to sign away his full paternal rights so Josh could adopt her.  
  
"Really?" she said, smiling.  
  
"Yeah he did," Donna continued. She thought of what other appropriate things there were to tell her about Ben. Unfortunately, there weren't that many. "He likes to read mystery books, he's excellent at Monopoly, and he doesn't like to eat fish. He could be very serious sometimes and other times very fun loving."  
  
"Do I look like him at all?"  
  
"Not particularly. He has very dark hair and dark eyes. You look more like my daddy and me. But you do have a birthmark that's just like his."  
  
"The one on my hip?" she asked, pointing to her left side. "The one that looks sort of like a walnut?"  
  
"Yep, that's just like Ben's," Donna told her. "And you know how when you get nervous or anxious, you always bite your thumbnail? He used to do the exact same thing."  
  
"Do you know.do you know where he is?" Emma asked, looking at the ground.  
  
Donna pursed her lips together, not liking where this was going. "Yes, I know how to find him," she replied hesitantly. She looked carefully at her daughter and took both of her hands. "Emma, do you want to meet him?"  
  
The child shrugged. "I don't know," she answered quietly. Cautiously, she looked back over at her mother. "Mommy?"  
  
"Yeah baby?"  
  
"I don't want two daddies," Emma admitted apologetically. "I just want to have Daddy be my real Daddy." She ducked her head forlornly. "I'm sorry."  
  
"Oh Emma," Donna chuckled soothingly, hugging Emma to her. "That's okay. That's perfectly fine."  
  
"Daddy told me last night that he loved me and Natty and you so much that sometimes his heart hurt because there was so much love in it," Emma said against her mother's chest. "And that's how I feel too and I don't think I have room in it for another daddy."  
  
"That's fine," Donna said, kissing her head. "I'm sure your birth Daddy knows that you love your real Daddy very, very much. He wouldn't mind you only having one daddy as long as you're happy."  
  
"Because he still loves me, even though I don't know him and he doesn't know me?"  
  
"Yes." Donna held her for a few moments longer, feeling a huge weight lifted off her shoulder. She couldn't wait to talk to Josh later tonight. Or maybe. "Say Emma? Do you want to go see Daddy now at work?"  
  
"Really?" Emma pulled back eagerly, her eyes shining. "We can? Right now?"  
  
"Sure," Donna said, getting up slowly, thinking that Josh wouldn't mind moving around an appointment or two for a visit today. "Let's go quick before dinner," Donna said as they headed back to the car. "Your new little sisters would be mad at Mommy if we missed dinner."  
  
Emma giggled, taking her mother's hand. "What are we going to call them?" she asked happily.  
  
"The twins? Well, the one that's born first is going to be named Audrey Joan," Donna told her.  
  
"That's so pretty!" Emma gushed. "What about the other one?"  
  
"You know, Daddy and I haven't decided yet." Donna winked at her. "Why? Do you have any suggestions?"  
  
"Well." Emma hedged. "There's a first name that I like. But you don't have to call her it if you don't want to."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Alexandria," she said, accenting the last two syllables.  
  
"Where'd you come up with that name?"  
  
"I don't know," Emma shrugged. "I think I read it in a book somewhere. It's really nice isn't it? Like, 'it could be the name of a princess' kind of nice."  
  
"Alexandria.Alexandria," Donna mused out loud, finding herself quickly falling under its spell.  
  
"Do you like it?"  
  
"I do," Donna replied slowly. "But, Emma, that is kind of a big name for a little baby, don't you think? I mean it's five whole syllables. That's a lot."  
  
"Hmm," the child thought, crinkling her eyebrows. "I hadn't thought of that." Then, inspiration struck. "What about Lexi? That way her name would still be Alexandria but we could call her Lexi for short."  
  
"Lexi and Audrey Lyman," Donna smiled down at her child as the reached the car. "I think you've got a future in this naming thing, baby."  
  
"Thanks," Emma said as she opened her door. Before she got in, she turned back to her mother who was on the other side of the car. "Mommy?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
She grinned sweetly. "It makes me really happy that you're my mommy too." 


	4. Chapter 4a

Senate Democratic Cloak Room: March 12, 2006  
  
"I'm telling you, Myers would be the perfect running mate."  
  
"Harry, it'll never happen. Myers is too liberal, his rhetoric on women's rights and keeping religion out of anything publicly funded will not do well in the South."  
  
"Hoynes is from the South, Lionel. He doesn't need a new VP candidate to carry it for him."  
  
"It'll never happen," Senator Lionel Farnsworth of Oregon persisted. "And besides, what's wrong with sticking with Dobson?"  
  
"Because, Vice President Dobson is an absolute moron who only got confirmed because Senate Republicans wouldn't take anyone else," Senator Harrison Lombard of South Carolina explained as he returned to his seat. "No way the Party will let him run in 2010. He's dead weight."  
  
"All the more reason to get rid of him now rather than giving him a public microphone for four more years," the third member of the group, Senator Eric Warner of Michigan, piped in.  
  
"It just doesn't seem right," Farnsworth lamented. "Hoynes should not be screwing around with his administration to facilitate reelection."  
  
"Why not? FDR did it, a new VP for every single one of his terms. Hell, Truman was only Vice President three months before he was sworn in."  
  
"Yes, but Dobson is no Harry Truman," Josh finally said from his spot across from the three other men. He crossed his leg over his knee and folded his hands. "And frankly, comparing President Hoynes to Franklin Roosevelt is tantamount to spitting on FDR's grave."  
  
Sixty-seven year-old Farnsworth cracked a small smile at his young fellow Senator. "Pretty ballsy statement to make there, Lyman," he commented admirably. "Especially in front of two committee chairs."  
  
"You've worked with me for almost fifteen years, Mr. Chairman, in both the Senate and in the White House. Have I ever once in all that time spoken a thought that could be considered rational?"  
  
Farnsworth cackled heartily. "You never have and you probably never will." He calmed down after a moment and said more seriously, "I take it then you're in favor of removing Dobson from the ticket."  
  
"Without a doubt."  
  
"Any suggestions on who should replace him?"  
  
"That's not for me to say," Josh replied honestly. "I'm not a member of President Hoynes' administration. He'll choose who he thinks is best suited for the job of Vice President for the next four years."  
  
"Hoynes is going to choose whomever will help him win," Warner countered. "He couldn't give a damn about the next four years. All he wants is to prove that he can win the presidency on his own."  
  
"I'd have to disagree with you there, Eric," Josh said. "I think President Hoynes cares about governing responsibly and I think he'll see that if he wants that to continue past his administration, Vice President Dobson should not be on the ticket."  
  
"Weren't you the one who said not more than five minutes ago that John Hoynes was no FDR?" Senator Lombard alleged.  
  
"Yes, I did," Josh nodded. "Do I think that John Hoynes is a President of the same caliber as FDR, or Josiah Bartlet? No, I do not. Do I think that at times he has made decisions more to suit himself and his own needs rather than the nations? Yes I do. But I also believe that he has served the country to the best of his abilities and the abilities of his staff and that is more than many presidents could say."  
  
Farnsworth eyed him carefully. "Loyalty runs deep with you, doesn't it?" he asked, almost wistful.  
  
Josh briefly thought back to almost twelve years ago. He'd been working as Floor Director in the Senate for two years by then and he was growing bored with it. Not that the work wasn't important, but he knew deep inside him that he was destined for better things. He was also young and idealistic and what he wanted badly was to work for someone that he believed in and that believed in him. So when he heard Senator John Hoynes filibuster for a good six hours straight on a bill that would have restricted sex education programs in public schools, he thought that he had found that person, that one great candidate that could get to the White House and make a difference with Josh's help. But by the time Josh and Hoynes were on their way there, he'd realized that Hoynes was not the noble, self-sacrificing dream candidate he'd envisioned. Hoynes was merely a very shrewd politician who knew how to work an audience, be it a crowd of thousands at an army base or a roomful of Senators. It took Josh a couple more years to find his great leader but he never truly let go of all his loyalties to John Hoynes. "Yes, it does," Josh simply said.  
  
"You don't find that much any more in this town," Warner commented.  
  
"No, we don't, Senator. But we should," Josh added. He looked down at his watch and got up from his seat. "If you gentlemen will excuse me, I have to be getting home. My wife's throwing a dinner party."  
  
"And how is the lovely Donna Lyman these days?" Farnsworth requested conversationally.  
  
"She's fine, thank you," Josh answered as he went to get his coat. "Going a bit stir crazy but otherwise fine."  
  
"Only a couple more months now, right?" Warner inquired.  
  
"They're due June 11th," Josh replied, referring to the twins.  
  
"Boys or girls?"  
  
"Two more girls. Identical."  
  
Warner didn't bother to hide his mirth. "Four girls, including identical twins? You are just asking for a coronary."  
  
"Perhaps," Josh conceded, grinning at the door. "But what a way to go."  
  
"What about your name, Lyman?" Lombard suddenly asked.  
  
Josh paused and turned, cocking his head to the side as his hand still laid on the doorknob. "I'm sorry?"  
  
"We've been sitting here for the past two hours, tossing VP names back and forth," Lombard elaborated, "and for some reason, you never mentioned yourself as a possibility."  
  
"To replace Dobson?"  
  
"Why not?" Lombard continued, picking up some steam. "You're youthful and energetic, you're nationally known, you've worked with Hoynes before, you were educated at Harvard and Yale, you have a family ideal for photo-ops, and barring any instances of monumental stupidity, you'd be a shoe in for 2010." He raised his eyebrows questioningly. "So, why didn't you mention your name?"  
  
All eyes were on him as he considered Lombard's challenge. "Well, I don't have the experience, first of all," Josh finally replied. "I've barely served two years of my first term."  
  
"And you've worked in this town for almost twenty years," Lombard pointed out. "No one could argue that you have no idea what you're doing."  
  
"John Hoynes would never agree to it," Josh said resolutely. "And even if he did, his staff wouldn't go for it."  
  
"Ted Carmichael is only five points behind Hoynes in the middle of primary season. He's going to get the Republican nomination and unless Hoynes pulls a rabbit out of his hat or we suddenly enter a war, the Republicans are going to take the White House," Lombard argued determinedly. "You could be that rabbit that he needs to win this thing, Josh. The Party would be grateful; they'd make sure you didn't have a challenger when your time comes. And you want this. Every one on the Hill knows you want to be sitting behind the desk in that office some day." Farnsworth and Warner didn't say anything but they kept staring intently at Josh and listening with rapt attention, making him think that he was being cornered.  
  
"Maybe someday, in the future, running on a national level would be something I might consider," Josh replied diplomatically. "But right now, on this day, it doesn't interest me."  
  
"I don't believe that," Lombard said, smiling blandly. "Not for a second." Instantly, Josh knew why his presence had been summoned for this particular meeting. They weren't here trying to gauge his opinion on potential candidates for Vice-President; they were telling him that the Party wanted him to run with Hoynes. He'd been put in a room with three of the most powerful Democratic Senators in order to be pressured to run. But unfortunately for them, the Party had forgotten exactly how Joshua Lyman responded to pressure.  
  
"And with all due respect, Senator, I don't particular care what you chose to believe or not," Josh huffed to the pompous Southern Senator. "My political career is my business, not yours. I'm not a puppet of the Democratic Party and I'm not going to bow to any pressure that they pile on me." He buttoned his jacket and shot Lombard a calculated glare. "Now if you will all excuse me, I have a previous engagement I need to get to." He nodded swiftly at Warner and Farnsworth and proceeded out the door, down the hallway, and out of the building into the real world.  
  
"Partisan jackasses," he muttered to himself as he got into his car, slamming the door behind him. He started the ignition and made his way out to the street. 'Who do they think they are?' he thought. 'They want to force me into an election in four years where I'll be pitted against every Republican I ever screwed over in the White House. Was I really that much of a pain in the ass four years ago, when I used to browbeat Congress into submission?' Suddenly, his cell phone began to ring. "Hello?" he said after flipping it open.  
  
"Hey," Donna's voice answered back. "You on your way home?"  
  
"Yeah, I just left."  
  
"You're just leaving now? What happened?"  
  
He sighed tiredly. "Doesn't matter," he replied. "Just remind me again why I thought this whole public servant thing was a good idea?"  
  
She smiled on the other end. "Because you have two children, soon to be four, and hopefully more to come, that you need to do this. Plus you're sexy as hell when you do the noble thing. Does that help?"  
  
"It'll do," he smirked, already calming down at the sound of his wife's voice. "Is everyone there already?"  
  
"Yes, which reminds me why I called in the first place. Can you stop at the store? I forgot to get beer for you manly men."  
  
"Sure," Josh said, making a quick turn at a light. "Listen, are Toby and Bobby both there?"  
  
"Yeah, hang on a second." He waited a couple of moments until both men were on the line.  
  
"Oh what can I do for you now, my malevolent leader?" Toby asked in his Toby-esque manner.  
  
"What's his problem?" Bobby piped in, munching on a carrot stick.  
  
"He had a lunch with some campaign contributors this afternoon. We were lucky we didn't find him hanging from his coat rack at the end of it," Josh replied. "So I just had an interesting meeting; Warner, Farnsworth, and Lombard were suggesting that I make a grab for the VP nomination."  
  
"Seriously or is this one of your funny, funny jokes?" Toby inquired.  
  
"It's for real. Lombard seemed to be the ringleader but he gave me the impression that this what the Party wants."  
  
"You're telling us that the Democratic God Squad wants you to run with Hoynes?" Bobby asked, referring to the nickname of the three Senators, being that their campaigns usually received donations from many religious organizations.  
  
"That is the conclusion that I drew from the meeting."  
  
"Well, this is interesting," Toby mused. Josh could just picture him, leaning against a wall or something while idly stroking his beard. "This could be termed as something that is quite interesting. This is something that we can explore, take meetings on, gather up support--"  
  
"You'll help lock up Oregon and Illinois," Bobby threw out helpfully. "Hopefully put some states back into play."  
  
"Let me talk to some of their people tomorrow," Toby said. "We'll gauge their reactions, maybe talk stipulations--"  
  
"No you won't," Josh cut him off.  
  
"I'm sorry?"  
  
"I told them that I wasn't interested," Josh said adamantly, "and I meant it. I don't want this now."  
  
There was silence on the line for a minute before Toby finally regained the power of speech. "What the hell.Josh, you may not get this opportunity again," Toby told him severely. "This could be your shot, our shot. Did you leave yourself any wiggle room at all?"  
  
"No, I didn't and I don't want any. Toby, I can't be campaigning and switching jobs right now. I took an oath to the people of Connecticut and I need to fulfill that first before I go job hunting."  
  
"The Vice-Presidency isn't any old job, and it's not like you're abandoning the people of Connecticut if you're helping to lead their nation," Bobby pointed out.  
  
"I wouldn't be leading, I be twirling my thumbs until the next election and that's not what I want to do."  
  
"So this is an ego thing? What the hell am I saying? It's Josh Lyman, of course it's an ego thing," Toby practically growled.  
  
"Toby, before you continue let me remind you of a couple of things. Number one: You work for me, not with me anymore. I make the decisions and it's your job to help me implement them," Josh said, deathly calm. "I'm all for debates, discussions, and even disagreements but don't question me when my mind is already made up. Number two: I don't feel I have the Legislative experience yet to warrant such a move. I want to serve my country based on my abilities, not my image. And number three: Most importantly, I sacrifice a great deal of time with my family, time I will never get back, to do my job. Any moves I make are going to be on my terms, in my own time, and you can call it ego if you want, but that's how it's going to be." He sucked in a deep breath as he pulled into a convenience store. "Tell Donna I'm at the store, I'll be along in a few minutes. Don't mention any of this to her or anyone else." He didn't wait for a reply, just shut his phone off along with his car and got out. He stepped into the nearly deserted store and went back to the freezers, wanting to just quickly make his purchases and be on his way. He was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn't hear the bell ring over the door; he didn't hear the sets of heavy footsteps on the linoleum floor; he didn't hear the nervous murmurings take place at the cash register. But he did hear the unmistakable sound of a gunshot a few seconds later. After that, he didn't hear anything.  
  
************************************************************************  
  
"Nicole!" Donna shouted from the kitchen. "Can you come in here?"  
  
"What is it?" Donna's older sister, Nicole Moss-Braun, asked as she strode into the kitchen. As soon as she saw her sister, she started to laugh. "You have no idea how much I'm loving this."  
  
"Ha ha," Donna scowled from the fridge, shifting around in her stocking- clad feet. She had taken off her shoes while she'd been preparing dinner to accommodate her rapidly swelling feet, but now she had to go entertain her guests. Only problem was that because her stomach was so large she could no longer bend down to slip her shoes on feet, a fact that amused her sister to no end. "Just wait until you get fat and pregnant. See if I'm sympathetic then."  
  
"First off, sit down," Nicole instructed, helping her ease on to a low stool. "Second, you're the only Moss female in our generation that will ever procreate so you'll never get the chance to mock."  
  
"So you're leaving the family lineage in T.J. and my hands?" Donna joked as her sister slipped a shoe on each foot. She knew her sister didn't plan on having any children with her partner, who happened to be one Tobias Ziegler, but she always teased her playfully about it. Nicole never took offense to it but this time, something shifted in her eyes at Donna's comment. "Nic? What is it?"  
  
Nicole chewed her bottom lip thoughtfully, debating whether or not she should say anything. She didn't want to put a damper on Donna's mood but she had a right to know, and she'd find out on her own anyway. "I talked to T.J. the other day," she began slowly. "He and Ellie are having a trial separation."  
  
"Oh my God," Donna gasped, her shoulders slumping. "When did this happen?"  
  
"A couple of weeks ago. He's been living in a hotel room."  
  
"How is he? How's Ellie? What about Shawn? Why didn't they tell me?" Donna asked, the questions coming out as fast as her brain could process them.  
  
"Terrible, just as terrible, Shawn's living with Ellie and T.J. visits every weekend, and he didn't tell you because he thought you had enough of your own crap to deal with in addition to his," Nicole rattled off.  
  
"I will decide how much crap I am entitled to deal with, thank you very much," Donna huffed, setting herself on the ground. She shook her head sadly, rubbing her lower back. "Did he say why they were separating?"  
  
"He didn't really go into it but it's pretty obvious," Nicole shrugged. "I mean, think about it. When was the last time you saw them in the same room with one another? How often do you think they see each other with their jobs? Whenever he's at home, she's at the hospital, and whenever she's home, he's on assignment."  
  
"Yeah that would put a damper on things," Donna agreed dejectedly. "I just can't believe it."  
  
"Yes you can," Nicole disagreed, getting herself a glass of white wine. "You called this thing on their wedding day. You said because they'd only been together a few months before Ellie got pregnant, they might not have had enough time together to really know if they were meant to be. I'm kind of surprised they stuck it out this long."  
  
"Really? I always thought they were good together."  
  
"Doesn't mean they're not going to have problems," Nicole said, sipping her wine. "You of all people should know that soul mates don't come with a lifetime guarantee." Donna nodded absently, thinking back to a time not that long ago when she and Josh had separated. It had been just after Josh was elected and Donna had been dealing with a crisis of identity. It had led to a horrific fight and a nearly three-month split, but thankfully they had managed to work things out.  
  
'Thank God,' Donna thought, lightly caressing her stomach, feeling the babies stirring under her touch. "It's just such a shame," she opined. "They're so young and they have a child together." She sighed, leaning back against the island. "Have they told everyone else yet?" Her sister shook her head. "Well, until they start using the "D" word, it might still work out," she said, trying to be positive.  
  
"Yeah," Nicole replied, less hopeful about her brother and sister-in-law's chances at reconciliation. But then again she was the sibling jaded by marriage. Her first marriage had ended in a bitter divorce and she could never see herself settling down like that again. That was one of the reasons she'd been drawn to Toby Ziegler in the first place; he was as uninterested in marriage as she was and together they had formed a strong and lasting relationship based on love and respect, without all the pressures of a formal marriage. She was confident they would be together the rest of their lives and she didn't need a piece of paper to validate that.  
  
"Okay," Donna finally said, trying to shake off the troubling news. "I have to feed several people now, including the two inside me that think its fun to treat my bladder like a soccer ball." She righted her hair and Nicole finished her glass of wine. "Alright, let's go." The sisters began to make their way out of the kitchen when Donna remembered something. "You saw Josh out there already, right?"  
  
"No," Nicole said, surprising Donna. "Why? Is he running late?"  
  
"I called him about an hour ago, to stop at the store for something," Donna replied, a hint of anxiety creeping into her voice. "He should have been back by now."  
  
"I'm sure he just got caught up in traffic or something," Nicole reassured her with a smile.  
  
"I'm going to call him," Donna said, immediately reaching for the cordless. "Just tell everyone to sit down, I'll just be a minute." Nicole left and Donna hit Josh's number on the speed-dial. She tapped her fingers impatiently against the tabletop as the phone rang for six rings before his voicemail picked up. 'Okay, that's a little out of character for him,' she thought nervously. 'Maybe something.oh stop it Donna! This is probably just a fresh round of hormones. He'll be here any minute,' she told herself. She set the phone down and smoothed down her blouse as she went into the dining room, continually telling herself that Josh would walk in the door any second now. She took her place at the table, among her friends and family, and tried to focus on the conversations at hand to no avail. All she could think about was that Josh would have called if he was going to be exceptionally late; he knew first-hand how emotional and stressed out she got during pregnancy and he wouldn't make her worry like this. He just wouldn't, not if he could help it. She found herself glancing up at the grandfather clock as the seconds turned to a minute and a minute turned to five and five turned to ten and.  
  
"Mommy, what's this green stuff on the plate?" Donna heard Emma ask her, pulling her away from her thoughts. She looked down at her daughter, sitting to her right, and tried to focus.  
  
"That's, um, asparagus, baby," Donna answered, hoping she sounded normal. Judging by the looks the adults were giving her, she hadn't been that successful. "It's good, you'll like it." She cleared her throat and began to eat some of the food she'd been pushing around her plate. "So, Bobby, how's Congress treating you these days? Everything's going good?"  
  
"Fine," he answered, trying not to glance at the place at the head of the table that was empty. It was a pointless question for her to ask, since she already knew the answer, but she asked it to placate the rest of them and so Bobby answered it to placate her. "I'm actually getting ready to go back to my district, do some campaigning for November."  
  
"You're polling at seventy-five percent right now, honey," his wife, Helen, reminded him. "You sure you want to go back home and screw that up now? You do know why you're so popular right?"  
  
"Why is that?"  
  
"Because as long as you're up here, the good people of Atlanta don't have to deal with you," she teased, pecking his cheek. The adults all laughed and began razzing the freshman Congressman. Well, almost all the adults. Donna forced herself to grin as her eyes drifted back up to the clock to see that ten minutes had now turned to fifteen.  
  
DING-DONG!  
  
"Excuse me," Donna said, immediately pushing herself out of her chair. She strode as quickly as she could to the door, her apprehension growing with each step. When she reached the door, she paused as her hand rested over the doorknob. 'Something happened,' she thought solemnly. 'Something really happened to him.' She struggled to swallow back the bitter taste of fear in her mouth and shakily began to turn the knob. As soon as she pulled the door open, she wished with everything in her that she hadn't.  
  
A stone-faced man in a dark suit stood on her stoop. Behind him, two uniformed officers were standing near their cruiser. The man in front of her asked in a gravel-laced voice, "Is this the Lyman residence?"  
  
"Ye.yes," Donna replied, her voice trembling.  
  
"Are you Mrs. Joshua Lyman?"  
  
"Yes, I am," she said, leaning against the wood as her knees began to feel like water.  
  
"I'm Detective Grissom, ma'am," the man said, pulling out his badge for Donna to inspect. "May I please have a word with you inside?"  
  
"Where's my husband?" Donna asked, terrified to hear his answer. The detective didn't reply instantly and she moved from terror to full-blown panic. "Where's Josh? Something happened to him so please just tell me!" she cried out hysterically, vaguely hearing the footsteps of other people coming up behind her.  
  
Detective Grissom regarded her sympathetically, glancing down at her tumescent stomach. "Mrs. Lyman," he began, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. "You're husband is involved in a hostage situation."  
  
Donna could see his lips continue to move in explanation but she didn't hear anything else over the roaring in her ears. Her knees finally gave out and she slid down to the floor, clutching at her stomach in a vain attempt to reach her husband. 


	5. Chapter 4b

Lyman Residence: March 12, 2006  
  
'This isn't happening,' Donna thought dreadfully, stroking her stomach with a trembling hand. 'This cannot be happening to him, to us. It's all a terrible mistake. Any minute now, Josh is going to walk in and he's going to kiss me and he's going to threaten to sue the entire DC police force for scaring me like this.' But even as she thought this, Donna knew it wouldn't be true.  
  
She looked around the room from her place on the sofa at the assortment of people gathered in her living room. Just one hour ago ago, she'd been busy preparing beef tenderloin for a small dinner party she'd been throwing that evening for some friends and family. Now her home was filled with police officers and various members of Josh's staff as they tried to establish some control over the situation. 'How do you control the actions of two teenaged kids with loaded guns and roomful of hostages?' she wondered bitterly.  
  
The situation that was requiring so much attention was that of Josh being held hostage in a small convenience store ten miles away. From the bits of information Donna had been told, he was one of six hostages being held by two teenage boys who had attempted to rob the store. They had apparently gotten into an argument with the store clerk and shots had been fired inside. By sheer coincidence, an off-duty cop had just exited the store when he had heard the gunshot and had radioed for help immediately. They were currently trying to open a line of communication with the boys but all attempts so far had been unsuccessful. And while Donna hadn't been able to focus much during her conversations with people since she'd found out, she'd been able to learn that the longer the situation went on, the less likely it would be that the situation could be resolved without people getting hurt.  
  
"Mrs. Lyman?" a now-familiar voice asked her. She turned her head slightly to see Detective Richard Grissom standing by her side. "Is there anything at all I can get for you?"  
  
"My husband," she whispered stoically, not meeting his eye. She felt the pressure of her older sister's hand rubbing her back and while she knew it was well-intentioned, she wanted nothing more than to tear Nicole's arm out of her socket just so she could inflict upon someone else the pain that was swiftly and surely matriculating it's way through her body.  
  
The detective nodded sympathetically. "We're doing everything within our power to get him out safely," he tried to comfort her. "This is a very precarious situation and it can take some time before we see any results."  
  
"How much time?" Nicole asked curiously.  
  
"It depends," he answered honestly. "It can take anywhere from hours to days in extreme cases to get everyone out safe--"  
  
"But sometimes you don't," Donna broke in heatedly, glaring at him as if he were the cause of all her grief. "Sometimes you don't everyone out unharmed. Sometimes you don't get anyone out at all."  
  
"Donna," Nicole chastised her, putting a hand on her shoulder.  
  
"Sometimes people get killed," Donna continued vehemently, violently shrugging her sister away. "Sometimes the hostages die no matter what you do!"  
  
The detective became aware that all eyes in the room were currently on them. "Mrs. Lyman," he began diplomatically. "We don't think that will--"  
  
"Sometimes. They. Die!" she repeated even louder, daring the detective to contradict her.  
  
After a beat, he nodded. "Yes," he said softly, "sometimes they die even when we do everything right."  
  
"And for all you know that could happen here too, right?"  
  
"Yes it could, ma'am." He sat down gingerly beside her. "I know there is nothing I can do to make you stop worrying about all the things that can wrong in situations like this. I can't stop making you wish your husband would materialize before you right now. All I can say is doing that will not bring him home any sooner and that perhaps your children do not need to see their mother worrying herself into premature labor." Someone called for him and he and the other officers left the room, leaving the sisters all alone.  
  
Slightly chagrined, she tightened her hold on her stomach, trying to relax for the sake of the babies. "Are the girls upstairs?" she asked Nicole, a little calmer.  
  
Nicole nodded. "Natalie's asleep and Nanny Gilroy has Emma and Freddie up there too."  
  
"Was Emma asking any questions?" Nicole nodded again. "What did you tell her?"  
  
"We told her that someone you knew was in a bad accident and you had to talk to the police for a little while."  
  
"You lied to her," Donna stated.  
  
"You'd rather I tell her the truth?" she asked incredulously. "She's eight years old, she can't understand what's happening. I don't even understand what's happening."  
  
"But she'll know that you lied to her; she always knows when people lie to her and that's going to make her worry," Donna declared exasperatedly. "And then she's gonna want to know what's really going on and then I'm going to have to lie to her and then she'll--"  
  
"Okay, okay," Nicole conceded, not wanting to get Donna going. "Do you want to try to lie down a bit? Maybe that'll help you--"  
  
"Mrs. Lyman?" one of the officers asked her politely. "There's a young man outside who says he's a friend of the family. He's says he works for your husband."  
  
As soon as he finished uttering the sentence, a rumpled and breathless Gus Whittaker burst into the room, immediately locking eyes with Donna. She was struck by the intense fear that she saw was emanating from his young eyes. As she felt her own eyes welling up with tears again, she pushed herself up and waddled over to the him, wrapping her arms around the young man who worshiped Josh like an older brother.  
  
"I called Toby about the...the hearing tomorrow," he whispered shakily into her shoulder," and he told me that..." Swallowing hard he pulled back and met Donna's eyes. "Is there any news?"  
  
"No," she said, letting him go and wandering over to the window.  
  
"Do you know what's going on? Inside there, I mean."  
  
"The police are doing everything they can," she replied, staring out into the rain that had begun to fall.  
  
"Donna?" she heard Toby ask her as he entered the room. She turned her head slightly but didn't move from her spot. He roughly cleared his throat before saying, "I just got a call from the Washington Post. They have a source saying that there are police here and Josh's car was parked outside of a store were hostages are being held."  
  
"And?"  
  
He cast his eyes downward. "And they'd like to know if you'd comment on the situation."  
  
In that moment, something inside Donna snapped. The part of her that been in control and unwilling to be affected by the situation suddenly vanished. "They want a comment?" Donna repeated disbelievingly before she started laughing hysterically as the tears coursed down her cheeks. "My husband might have a bullet hole in his head and the Washington Post wants to know what I think of it?!"  
  
"Oh honey," Nicole said, going over to comfort her sister but Donna just shoved her away.  
  
"No Nic, I don't have time for that!" she cried out, completely irrational and on the verge of absolutely losing it. "The Washington Post has asked a question of me and by God, they will get their answer." She went over to the phone and started to dial the number of the newspaper from memory before Toby walked over to her and grabbed the phone from hands.  
  
"Don't do this, Donna," he instructed, struggling with her hands as gently as he could while she tried to wrestle the phone back.  
  
"Fuck them, Toby!" she screamed violently, not caring who saw her or who heard her, not caring about anything that moment but the wave of pain she was riding. "Fuck them, that's my comment! He could be dead right now! I don't give damn what they want to know!" During her diatribe, everyone was so horrifically fixated on Donna that no one noticed when another person slipped into the room until it was too late.  
  
"Mommy?" Emma's timid voice broke through to her mother. Donna had her back turned to her daughter and as she heard her, she immediately stiffened in Toby's arms. 'Oh God, please don't make me do this,' she silently begged. Taking in a deep, shuddering breath, she hastily wiped at her eyes before turning to her daughter.  
  
"Emma, you...you should be upstairs with Freddie now," Donna said using every bit of her willpower to keep her voice level.  
  
"Mommy, why are you crying?" the child asked.  
  
"I'm not crying, baby," she lied, pasting a tight smile on her face as she walked over to Emma and rubbed her head.  
  
"But you're eyes are all red, your nose is stuffed up, and your voice is scratchy," Emma pointed out, leaning against her mother's stomach. "Did something bad happen to your friend?"  
  
Donna squeezed Emma against her more firmly, trying desperately to keep herself from frightening her child. "No honey. Mommy's just very worried about her friend and she got a little upset. I'm sorry, I didn't mean for you to see that."  
  
"S'okay," Emma replied, still a little nervous. "I hope your friend is all right."  
  
"Me too, baby. Me too."  
  
"What happened to them?"  
  
"Say Emma?" Gus broke in, tapping Emma's shoulder. "I was thinking on the way over here that you and I haven't been able to play a game of Monopoly in, like, a million years. You want to go play a quick game upstairs before bedtime?"  
  
"How come you're here now, Gus?" she asked, scrunching her forehead. "It's really late for you to be here."  
  
"Well Toby was waiting for your Daddy to come home to talk to him about something and since we both know how inept Toby is, he needed me to bring him a file," Gus lied easily.  
  
Slightly satisfied, Emma glanced up at her mother and at Donna's urging, nodded her head yes. "Will you come tuck me in later?" she asked, giving her mother another hug.  
  
"Of course I will," Donna replied, kissing the crown of her head before Gus led the child away.  
  
"Oh Mommy," Emma turned back to her.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Can you make sure Daddy comes and says goodnight too when he gets home?"  
  
'Be strong, be strong,' Donna urged herself. 'Don't you dare break down in front of her again.' She nodded quickly, afraid to open her mouth as Gus finally got Emma out of the room. As soon as she heard their feet clomping up the stairs, she covered her mouth and began sobbing again, deep, hulking sobs that shook her entire body and made her sick to her stomach. She felt a pair of hands carefully lead her back to the sofa and as she sat down, pictures began flashing in her mind's eye: the birth of the twins, recitals, plays, graduations, birthdays, weddings of all her children, all of them without Josh standing there with her. Her gorge suddenly rose and someone pointed a trashcan under mouth as she spilled the contents of her stomach. She coughed and sputtered bile as she felt in her bones how bleak life would be for her and her daughters without Josh with them. When she was through, she leaned back against someone's chest as they gently rocked her in their arms.  
  
"Shh, shh," she heard what sounded like Toby's voice murmuring in her ear. "Just calm down, everything's gonna be fine."  
  
"I asked him to go there," she admitted shamefully, thinking out loud. "I asked him to stop for something on the way home. That's why he's in there right now, because I put him in there."  
  
"Don't think about that right now. Just concentrate on the fact that the police are doing everything they can and that it'll be okay tomorrow when he's home."  
  
"What if it's not?" she whispered feebly after a few minutes. She turned around to face him, noticing fleetingly they were alone in the room. "What if something happens to him? What if he...?" She couldn't articulate her fears, even though Toby knew what they were, because if she did, it would make them more real. "I can't do this without him," she said finally.  
  
"You won't have to," Toby said confidently before getting up to get her some water.  
  
She took the glass in both hands, taking a careful sip before continuing, "They have guns, Toby. Detective Grissom said that shots were fired. What if he was h...hit?"  
  
He poured himself a shot of bourbon. "The eyewitnesses," he explained as he sat back down next to her, "outside the store, say no one appears to be seriously injured. If someone was, the police would be in there by now."  
  
"What if he has an episode? He still can't even watch a movie or a TV show with guns; how could he handle that?"  
  
"He's not going to flip out in there or do anything crazy. He'll be fine in the--"  
  
"He wasn't fine the first time," Donna protested weakly. "At Rosslyn, he wasn't fine. When we got to the White House, one of the first things we learned was procedure on what to do if there was an attempt on the President's life. 1.) Avoid getting caught in a crowd 2.) Avoid open areas and 3.) If you can, find the nearest agent. You tell me, how many of those did he get right?"  
  
"None," Toby said, scratching his beard. She knew she was bringing up very unpleasant memories of that night for him but she honestly didn't care that much.  
  
"He knew what to do then and he didn't do it and that was before the PTSD. How can you sit there and tell me he's not going to do something stupid now?"  
  
This was not an area Toby was well versed in, the area of emotions. He freely admitted to not being as open with his feelings as others and that was usually okay because it wasn't something he was usually called upon for. Need a policy speech written or a sharply worded press release, go Toby. Need a heartfelt gesture or the right words at the right moment, you'd be wise to look elsewhere. But there was no one elsewhere now to look to and Toby knew he was the only one who could make Donna understand this.  
  
"Because he didn't have you last time," he said, looking right at her. "Josh didn't have you or Emma or Natalie or anything to think about when they started firing those rounds. He was only thinking about himself and that made him scared; now he's gonna think about his family and that's going to make him strong and that's going to make him fight to get back to you." He tipped Donna's chin up gently to make sure she was looking into his eyes. "He's coming home, Donna, I give you my word."  
  
She hugged him then, hoping to somehow draw her strength from him when she felt an intense feeling of pressure in her stomach that felt horribly familiar. 'Oh God,' Donna thought frightfully. 'Not now.'  
  
"Donna?" Toby questioned as he felt her tense in his arms. "What's wrong?"  
  
The pressure suddenly became pain and she pulled away from Toby, nearly doubling over on the sofa. "The ba...babies," she gasped out, gripping her stomach to try to ward off the pain. "Something's wrong with--"  
  
"Helen!" Toby shouted, shooting himself off the couch before Donna could finish. When he didn't get an immediate response, he turned helplessly to Donna.  
  
"Go," she gritted out against the pain of what was unmistakably a contraction. "Go get her now." He raced out of the room, leaving Donna to deal with this latest obstacle. "Please don't be born yet," she begged of the daughters she'd yet to hold. "I know I haven't been thinking of you both tonight like I should have been and I am so, so sorry for that. There's just been so much for Mommy to deal with and I didn't take care of you properly." She gasped loudly as she felt a particularly hard twinge. "But I promise," she continued, "I love you so much and I'll take extra special care of all three of us from now on but you two have to not be born yet, okay? Can you please do that for Mommy?" A few seconds later, she could feel the pain start to ebb away and she was left with a residual soreness. "Good girls," she murmured, stroking her stomach as she leaned wearily back against the couch.  
  
"Donna," Helen said professionally as she strode into the room followed by a parade of people. She sat down next to her patient and friend while simultaneously opening her medical bag. "Was it a contraction?" she asked, putting on a stethoscope as she lifted Donna's shirt to reveal her stomach. She pressed metal to Donna's skin to check the babies' heartbeats.  
  
"Yeah, a bad one," she acknowledged.  
  
"Any idea how long it was?"  
  
"Maybe about thirty seconds or so." Helen strapped a blood pressure cuff on Donna and while she was checking that Donna asked tearfully, "Are they okay, Helen?"  
  
"Do not get upset," Helen ordered instantly. "Stress is probably what brought this on so let's try to not do that right now." She made a note of Donna's blood pressure before motioning for her to stand up. "I need to check for dilation. Let's go to your room." The crowd made a pathway as Toby and Helen gingerly helped Donna off the couch, who felt like she was being swept up in the winds of a tropical storm.  
  
"Nicole?" she called out, blindly reaching for her sister's hand. Donna knew she had treated her horribly before but she needed her big sister now.  
  
Nicole instantly clasped it with her own hand. "I'm right here, Bella," she reassured her. "Don't worry, I'm not going to leave you."  
  
"Okay," Donna whispered as they reached the steps. The three women went up the rest of the way, leaving the concerned bystanders with something else to fret about. Helen, Nicole, and Donna walked into Donna's room, being as quiet as possible when they passed the girls' rooms. They quickly got Donna situated on the bed, stripping her of the necessary garments. Nicole propped her sister up with some pillows and massaged her shoulders while Helen quickly washed her hands in the adjoining bathroom and slapped on a pair of latex gloves.  
  
"All right, let's see what's going on in there," Helen muttered as she spread Donna's legs apart. "Just relax and breathe, Donna." The doctor proceeded to slide her hand gently into Donna's birth canal.  
  
She winced in discomfort but stayed as still as possible. "You're doing fine, Bella," Nicole tried to comfort her, gliding her fingers across Donna's scalp.  
  
"Are the babies okay?" Donna addressed Helen as the exam continued.  
  
She pursed her lips as she carefully extracted her hand from Donna and patted her legs down. "They seem to be," Helen said carefully.  
  
"Thank God," Nicole said, kissing Donna's forehead. Donna, overwhelmed with gratefulness, just sank back against the bed.  
  
"You're water hasn't broken and there isn't any bleeding, which is good," Helen continued, disposing of her gloves. "But you are just starting to dilate and now is much too soon for that to happen. Also your blood pressure is not what I'd call healthy for a pregnant woman. That's why you had a contraction."  
  
"They can't be born now, they're not big enough yet," Donna protested faintly. "Please tell me they won't be born now."  
  
"They won't be born now," Helen insisted firmly. "But in order to make sure they aren't, I'm putting you on bed rest as of this moment. You don't move from this bed unless it's to walk five feet into that bathroom."  
  
"But what about Josh?" she asked. "I need to be there when there's news to-- "  
  
"No, you're staying up here and resting. If there's any significant news, I'll make sure you know but until then I want you to try to sleep and settle down."  
  
"How can you expect me to settle down when he's--"  
  
"Donna," Helen stated, carefully pushing her to lie down. "Right now, Josh has about two dozen people making sure that he is safe, including himself. These babies, right now, you're the only one that can keep them safe. They can't do it by themselves. Everything you feel, they feel and if you are worrying yourself into a heart attack that doesn't help them."  
  
"Helen, please," Donna begged. "I need to be there for him when he gets back. What if it was Bobby in that store? Wouldn't you--"  
  
"Donna, you rest up here in your own home where you can get news about Josh immediately or I'm admitting you to the hospital against your will if I have to," Helen swore, her eyes telling Donna that there would be no compromise. "I love you and Josh to death and it kills me that you have to go through this but I have to think about what's best for you and the twins, not about what you want."  
  
"Come on, Bella," Nicole prodded. "What do you think Josh would do if he comes home and finds out you worried yourself into premature labor?"  
  
Donna sighed heavily. "I don't have a chance of winning this fight, do I?" she asked rhetorically.  
  
"About as much chance as I have of becoming Mrs. Brad Pitt," Nicole teased, hugging her close.  
  
"Okay," Donna conceded, laying back. "Fine, I'll stay up here and try to forget about...everything." Nicole got up off the bed and helped Donna first pull a nightgown over her head and then settle underneath the covers while Helen packed up her medical bag. "I need to say goodnight to the girls," she suddenly remembered.  
  
"No," Helen objected. "Now you have to rest."  
  
"Helen--"  
  
"Do you want to be able to say goodnight to two more girls in a few months?" Donna remained silent as she began to grasp the precariousness of the situation she was in. There were so many directions she was being pulled in, so places where she was needed and yet she could do nothing but lay in her bed.  
  
"I'd like to be alone now," she finally said, turning her head away from them. She heard them shuffle out of the room, Helen telling her she'd be up later to check on her and to come get her if anything felt wrong. Then they were gone and for the first time all day, Donna was alone.  
  
'No, not completely alone,' she thought as one of the babies began kicking and in spite of herself, she smiled. "You guys are okay, right? You just like toying around with Mommy's emotions, don't you?" she asked them softly. "I think you guys are determined to give me as many gray hairs as possible, at least one of you is anyways. I wonder which one? Is that you Audrey? Are you the little terror or is it Lexi?" She felt an especially strong kick to her ribs then and chuckled quietly. "Lexi it is then. I'll have to keep a close eye on you, my little firecracker." Glancing over at her night table, she saw a framed photo of herself and Josh on their wedding day, their second wedding day when she had had the fairy tale dress and flowers and reception and all of the things that had mattered. But that wasn't why the day had been so special; it was special because Josh planned the entire ceremony as a birthday surprise for her. Even though she had always insisted their first quickie wedding in Reno had been more than enough for her, he'd gone out of his way to give her the wedding of her dreams and it had been but not for because of all the pomp and circumstance that surrounded it but rather because he'd said, "I do", to her again. Josh was what had made it perfect for her; he made everything he could perfect for her.  
  
"You girls are going to love your Daddy so much," she said softly, hugging her stomach tightly. "He is going to spoil you both rotten and he'll want to be with you both all the time and he'll do everything he can to make sure that nothing ever harms either of you. Of course he'll be driving you both bonkers while he's doing it but he won't care. He's going to humiliate you, smother you, and occasionally he'll scare you to an early grave but he's the best father any child could ask for. I knew that when I saw him with your big sister, Emma. Daddy was so good to her and he still is but it was very important back then because Emma had never had a daddy before but he made her forget that. She just worships him and your other sister, Natalie, is the same way. You should have seen him the first time he held her. I swear if that wasn't pure joy I saw on his face then the word joy needs a new definition. I wonder how he's gonna look when he holds the two of you."  
  
"You'll find out in a few months, won't you ma'am?" a sympathetic voice with a strong accent said from the partially closed door. It opened further to reveal Nanny Gilroy standing in the doorway with a tray in her hands. "I'm sorry to disturb you ma'am but Dr. Harrington said you were feeling unwell and I thought perhaps you'd like some tea."  
  
"Thank you," Donna nodded, sitting up a little. Nanny Gilroy set the tray down on the table and poured a cup for Donna.  
  
"It's chamomile ma'am. It'll help relax you."  
  
"I doubt it but thank you anyways." She sipped the sweet beverage slowly and looked up at the older woman standing beside her. "Is there any news?"  
  
She shook her head regretfully. "No I'm afraid not. The police are still here and I'm sorry to say that some reporters are in front of the house."  
  
"Print media or television?"  
  
"Both I think. The police are trying to get them to leave but those ravenous vultures declined to I believe. Regardless, the children haven't seen them."  
  
"Are they both asleep?"  
  
"Yes ma'am. No need to worry yourself about them."  
  
"I do worry about them," Donna persisted. "I worry about them and I worry about my recently separated brother and my workaholic sister and my grandmother in Wisconsin and my lesbian best friend and a bunch of people in California I used to call friends and a bunch of people I don't know who are in a store right now. But most of all I worry about my husband and I'm worrying so much about him I'm hurting my babies and I want to stop worrying about everyone but I can't and it's just really pissing me off."  
  
"Then be pissed off, Mrs. Lyman," Nanny Gilroy replied. "Lord knows that you have a right to be. But do it later on."  
  
"I want to do it right now!"  
  
"Well right now you have other obligations, two of them being those babes you're carrying and due respect ma'am, you have no right to do that to them."  
  
"I know," Donna sighed, feeling the fight drain from her. "It's just...when Josh needs me to be there for him, I am, no matter what. The last time I wasn't, he almost died and he needs me right now. I can feel it stronger than I've ever felt anything. I feel so helpless just sitting here and--"  
  
"Making sure your twins are safe and sound," the Irish woman reminded her. "I can't pretend to imagine what this feels like for you but perhaps it will comfort you to know that you're doing the right thing for your family."  
  
Donna raised her eyebrows in disbelief as she took another sip of tea. "May I ask you a personal question?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
"When your husband...passed away," she asked softly, as if saying the words to loud would be jinxing herself, "how did you...I mean I can't imagine...I don't know how I'm going get through this if something goes wrong and everyone is just telling me what I want to hear and not what I need and I need to know if it's possible to keep going when you lose the love of your life."  
  
"I won't lie to you, Mrs. Lyman," Nanny Gilroy said maternally. "When my James died, it was a pain that Lucifer himself could not have imagined. I didn't get out of bed for weeks but I couldn't sleep. I was weak with hunger but I couldn't eat. I wanted to cry myself off to my Maker but I hadn't the tears. Then one day, I looked outside my window and saw the sun shining on the vegetable garden my husband had planted himself and I knew that my James was telling me that it was all right to go on." She patted Donna's hand supportively. "It hurts today as much as it did when the doctor came and told me but I've come to accept it as a part of me. And if what I don't believe will happen tonight does happen, then you have your family. You have your girls and for them, you'll come through this."  
  
"Thank you," Donna whispered as her eyes started fluttering closed. She wanted to stay awake but a sudden wave of exhaustion was pulling her in with more strength than she had. Before Nanny Gilroy left the room, Donna was already in a deep slumber aided by the special herb that had been slipped into her drink per doctor's orders.  
  
It was just as well because as soon her eyes closed, images of Josh came to her rapidly: Proposing to her, saying his vows of faith and fidelity, breathing with her in Lamaze class, coming home tired and disheveled at the day's end, building block towers with Natalie, pretending not to be stumped by some of Emma's math problems, caressing her stomach, plying her face with tender kisses, whispering words of love to her...  
  
"Donna? Wake up, Donnatella," she heard his voice beckon her. Languidly she opened her eyes and stared up into his face, beautiful with its imperfections. Slightly disoriented, she smiled at him for a moment before swallowing the bitter taste in her mouth. As if it were a key unlocking her mind, she remembered what happened the last time she'd been awake with startling clarity.  
  
"Josh?" she whispered fearfully.  
  
"Yeah, it's me," he said tiredly, leaning down to kiss her forehead.  
  
"I'm dreaming?" she asked, scared. "This is all a dream?"  
  
"No I'm here," he tried to comfort her, settling back so she could get a good look at him. "It's over, the police got everyone out of the store okay." His told her there was more to the story than that, as did the bandage and caked blood near his hairline, but she was just too stunned at the moment to process it.  
  
"Oh my God," she cried, closing her eyes relief washing over so fiercely she feared it would swallow her into unconsciousness. "Oh God you're alive." She reached up blindly for him, pulling him down to her breast and clutching him as tightly as she could. She felt his breathing hitch slightly and knew all the tears being shed in the room weren't just her own. "I love you."  
  
"I love you too," he said, reaching a hand down to gently grip her stomach.  
  
"You can never do that to me again," she ordered. "Do you understand me? You can never, ever do that to me again or I'm going to make suffer for it."  
  
"I'll never leave you like that again, I promise," he swore, pulling back to look at her, stroking her hair.  
  
"I was actually talking to God but I'm holding you to that too." Then she pulled him to her, not caring about anything anymore. Not about what had happened or if people were hurt or what would happen tomorrow. All she cared about was coming with a plan to make sure her husband never left her arms again. 


	6. Chapter 5

Lyman Residence, Washington DC: April 20, 2006  
  
"Shut up!" he screamed, so close to Josh's face drops of spit landed on his chin. "I don't give a fuck who you are, you shut the hell up right now or you're gonna die!" Almost immediately, he felt a horrendous throbbing on the side of his skull and his eyes snapped open.  
  
"Shit," Josh mumbled, staring at the glowing red numbers on the alarm clock. Rubbing his hand over his eyes, he took a couple of deep breaths to calm himself down and remind himself that he was in his own bed in his home. He was not kneeling on the cold floor of a convenience store with a gun pointed at his temple, no matter what his fractured subconscious wanted him to believe.  
  
It had been more than a month since that night he'd faced death down again and like the time before that, crippling nightmares, terrifying flashbacks, and panic attacks accompanied it. He was managing it better this time though; thanks to the anti-depressant he'd been taking and continuing to use relaxation techniques, his panic attacks were very few and far between. He wished he could say the same regarding the nightmares and flashbacks.  
  
"Josh?" he heard Donna's voice whisper to him. He didn't answer, just tightened his hold on her. "What time is it?"  
  
"About 1:00am. Go back to sleep."  
  
"Can you sleep?"  
  
"I will."  
  
"Did you have a nightmare?"  
  
"How's your back feeling?"  
  
"Don't do that, Josh."  
  
"What? You need your rest, I want to make sure you're comfortable."  
  
"Are you just avoiding my question or are you really being a thoughtful, attentive husband?"  
  
"Do you really care?"  
  
"Yes so while I drag an answer out of you, please get to work on your massage skills," she replied, rolling over heavily to her side.  
  
Maneuvering an arm under her and around her, her pulled her close as his other hand kneaded the sore flesh of her lower back. "Oh God," she moaned quietly as her muscles resisted him.  
  
"Just relax, Donnatella," he breathed into her ear, keeping up with his ministrations. After a couple of minutes, Donna's soreness started to fade away and she returned to her original task.  
  
"Was it about what happened in the store or Rosslyn?" she asked, idly stroking the arm wrapped around her. She felt him sigh onto her neck.  
  
"How do you know I had a nightmare? Maybe I just couldn't fall asleep."  
  
"Because you had a nightmare and you're afraid if you fall asleep, you'll be having another one."  
  
"Maybe I was having a sex dream about that blonde secretary on that political TV show you like so much."  
  
"No you weren't."  
  
"I could have been having a sex dream about her. Even if I am married to the most striking, intelligent, funny, loving woman in the galaxy."  
  
"Josh, stop trying to charm me into giving into your avoidance. You have to talk about the nightmares. It's the only thing that will help them go away."  
  
"I'll talk about it with someone else," he said, moving his hand up to gently rub her tender hip.  
  
"Why not me?"  
  
"Because you shouldn't have to be pregnant and dealing with your husband's psychological problems at the same time."  
  
"Well according to those vows we swapped, twice now, your problems are also my problems and what does my being pregnant have to do with it?"  
  
"Helen said you need to avoid stress and--"  
  
"Josh," she said turning over again to face him. She waited until her looked at her before continuing, "It worries me more when you shut me out."  
  
"I'm not trying to do that, Donnatella" he protested weakly, glancing down at her seven-months pregnant stomach. "I just don't want the three of you to get hurt again because of me."  
  
'Here we go again,' she thought, trying to keep her annoyance at bay. "It's not your fault I'm on bed rest," she said through gritted teeth. "My body just got more than it could handle at one time and I needed to slow down. But I'm fine now and so are the babies. There was nothing you could have done. Now stop doing this to yourself, it isn't helping anyone. Just talk to me." She watched as he pursed his lips and averted her gaze. "Fine," she huffed angrily, rolling over with some moderate difficulty and flicking on her bedside light.  
  
"What are you doing?" he asked, squinting against the brightness.  
  
"I am knitting things for the babies," she spat out, reaching into the drawer of the end table to retrieve her needles and yarn. She hoisted herself up as best she could against the headboard before she began to furiously manipulate the needles and the yarn of her continuing project.  
  
"You need your rest," Josh tried to reason with her.  
  
"So do you."  
  
"You need it more. What you need to not be doing is knitting a hat."  
  
"For your information, it's a sweater and what I need," she said, stressing the word 'need', "is for you to let me be your wife and help you, which you have not been letting me do for a month now. It makes me angry so I can't sleep and because I can't sleep or move from this bed without the use of a crane, I'm knitting a sweater for one of my daughters."  
  
Seeing the defined tightening of her jaw that left no room for future arguments, Josh shifted onto his back, staring blindly at the ceiling as he listened to the frenetic clicking of Donna's needles. Shutting her out like this wasn't fair to her, he knew that, but he was doing it to protect her and protect the twins. He recalled with perfect clarity Helen's words, urging him to do his best to limit the amount of stress in Donna's life and he remembered exactly how worried and tired Donna was during his initial bout with PTSD. If he opened up to her like that, let down his guard like that, it would automatically put her in the position of caring for him when what she needed to focus on was caring for the babies. No matter how much he needed her comfort right now. Inhaling deeply, he closed his eyes and tried to shove away the lingering images of his nightmare so he could get in a couple hours sleep before his hectic life started all over again.  
  
"Oww!" Donna exclaimed next to him. Instantly, Josh's adrenaline kicked in and any hope of sleep vanished.  
  
"What is it? What's wrong?" he asked franticly, sitting up and looking her over for any signs of pain or discomfort.  
  
She eyed him warily, still feeling rather pissy towards him but not wanting to add to his troubled mind. "Nothing," she mumbled, going back to her knitting. "Audrey just kicked my ribs without any warning, that's all."  
  
"Are you sure? Maybe it was a contraction or something and you're in labor as we speak."  
  
"Having been in labor twice already now, take my word for it that I know what it feels like when I'm in it," she told him, concentrating on a particular pattern. "I also am able to distinguish between a baby kicking the inside of me and any other type of pain. This was just the baby kicking so go to sleep."  
  
Relaxing ever so slightly, Josh began to ask his wife, "Is there anything that I can do for you or--"  
  
"Go to sleep, Josh," she repeated, cutting him off.  
  
Unwilling to attempt slumber again, he tried, "How do you know which one of them is which when they're kicking?"  
  
"Go. To. Sleep," she ordered, never looking up from her work.  
  
Not moving, Josh swallowed quickly as he realized that piercing ache of fear in the pit of his stomach wasn't going away. Whenever Donna was in any type of pain, he felt the sensation strongly to compensate for the helplessness that also came when something was wrong with Donna. He hated feeling it and a part of him hated her for making him feel it. As soon as the thought registered, he knew why Donna was being the way she was. This was what she was feeling, had been feeling everyday since that night. She wanted him to talk to begin the healing process for himself, of course, but she needed it for herself too, to heal herself so she could focus on other things. Like their unborn children, for example.  
  
"They came in the store right after I walked in," Josh said slowly, replaying it in his mind as the words came out. Donna immediately stopped what she was doing and gazed at him. "I didn't see them or anything. I didn't even know anything was wrong until I...I hea...heard it go off," he struggled to get out.  
  
Gently laying her hand over his and needing to hear in his own words what had happened to her husband, Donna decided to give him some incentive to continue. "Audrey only kicks me on my right side," she informed him softly, hoping he'd understand. "And I'm carrying Lexi higher up. That's how I know who is who in there."  
  
Not looking at her but lacing his fingers through hers, Josh continued, "I guess I passed out or something for a minute because the next I knew, I saw everyone kind of huddled in one corner and one of them was grabbing my collar, trying to drag me over there. I thought about fighting him but I saw how scared everyone already was and I didn't want to get him angry. The younger one was real nervous but him, the older one, that guy was pissed off something lethal."  
  
"Lexi likes to hear fairy tales more than she likes lullabies," Donna said, hoping he hadn't noticed how her throat had started to constrict just slightly. "Audrey really likes to hear those Dr. Seuss stories Emma reads to them sometimes."  
  
"For the next hour, the two of them were just kind of arguing back and forth. The younger one wanted to just try escaping through a back alleyway and the older one thought they should kill a hostage to show the cops they were serious. I guess they were trying to get money or some shit like that."  
  
"I think Audrey is going to be a classical musician because she always relaxes whenever I play Mozart or Beethoven. Lexi loves when I play 'Exile on Main Street' in the belly phones."  
  
"We were in there almost two hours before they started talking to the police. They put on a television to see if they were being mentioned on the news and one of the programs mentioned me..." Josh trailed off, staring intently at the comforter, unconsciously touching the fading scar near his temple. "The older one came right up to me and pistol whipped me on the forehead for not telling them sooner who I was."  
  
"Whenever you're on TV, they always kick when you start speaking. They already know who you are," Donna whispered, not letting a single tear fall even though she wanted desperately to.  
  
"He asked me if I was willing to die," Josh said stoically, not blinking or moving as he spoke. "If I was willing to sacrifice my life for everyone else in the room and I...I couldn't do it. I couldn't do anything but see you and the kids in my mind's eye. I thought about never getting to hold Emma or Natalie again, about never getting to meet the twins, about never being able to make love to you again and I just...froze. I was completely and absolutely paralyzed with the fear that I'd never get to see any of you again."  
  
"I kept telling both of them that night how much you already loved them," Donna told him, pulling his prone body close to her and rocking him to try to assure him that everything was all right now and that he'd never have to imagine something as horrible as that ever again. "I tried to explain how wonderful their Daddy is and all the things you'd do for them. I told them how they shouldn't worry because Daddy was coming back to them and then how they should worry because Daddy was never going to let them out of his sight."  
  
"The cops just ended up storming into the place. The younger one surrendered but the other one tried to run. He ended up getting hit by a car on the street and was killed instantly."  
  
"Good," Donna breathed fiercely into his scalp, rubbing his shoulders.  
  
"He's the one I always see in my dreams, holding the gun over my head and telling me that he's gonna kill me." He shivered slightly in her embrace. "The nightmares are actually worse this time because I have a face now. Last time I never saw the guys holding the gun but this time...it feels like he's everywhere. Even though he's already dead, I feel like I'm looking over my shoulder all the time just to make sure he isn't there."  
  
"You've got to talk to someone, Josh," she instructed him soothingly. "You know that, right?"  
  
"Yeah I know that I do," he sighed, pulling away from her and leaning against the headboard.  
  
"So why don't you just call Stanley?" she asked, curling back against his chest to listen to his heartbeat. "Why are you putting yourself through all this when you don't even have to?"  
  
"It would look bad," he rationalized. "Everyone on the Hill knows about how I was after Roslyn and most of them probably know I'm taking anti- depressants. If I'm seen talking to a shrink again right now, it sends a message."  
  
"What, that you're being proactive about your health so not to give yourself a nervous breakdown?"  
  
"That I'm inherently psychologically damaged and unfit for public office." He looked down into her eyes so she'd understand his seriousness. "I can't lose this, Donna; I won't lose this. For so many years I advised and instructed and offered suggestions and I was okay with it. I was okay with helping the guy get the job done. I was okay with someone else getting the credit for my work and not having things go my way every time and just looking on as someone else shook hands with crowds of grateful citizens. But now it's me that people thank. I'm the one that gets them money for new classroom equipment or higher unemployment benefits or helps keeps them out of a war and I'm not willing to give any of that up. I'm the guy now and I love it."  
  
"I know you do."  
  
"And you also know what a good number of my fellow Congressmen would do with certain information of mine if given the opportunity," he said, daring her to contradict him.  
  
"Yes I do," she nodded wearily. He was looking at this as a political problem and as smart as she was, she could never beat him at a political argument if his mind was made up. So she'd have to do as he'd once taught her and fight a little dirty for the common good.  
  
"What are you doing?" he asked as she slowly heaved herself off the bed, balancing off the nightstand.  
  
"Come with me," she grunted as she just barely got herself upright.  
  
"You're supposed to stay in bed," he challenged angrily as he raced around to face his wife, prepared to physically force her into the bed if need be.  
  
"Josh, I'm fine and the babies are fine. Helen said after four weeks if I didn't have any more problems that I could get up and around and tomorrow will be week five. I've done that to appease your addled mind but now you're being an ass again for a wholly different reason so in order to set you straight, I need to be out of bed." Finishing her lecture, she took his hand and quietly led him into the hallway.  
  
"What do you mean, set me straight?" he whispered to her as they stopped in a doorway to one of the rooms.  
  
"I meant that as good of man as you are, Joshua, you can be frighteningly stupid sometimes, this being one of them," she replied, twisting the knob and letting the door gently swing open.  
  
"Donna," he groaned as he saw what door exactly she had opened.  
  
The walls of the nursery were freshly painted lavender, still smelling slightly even after several months. When they'd found out the twins were both girls, Donna had gone straight to paint store and selected the color, making Josh paint the entire room that very night. This being her third pregnancy, Donna had vetoed a baby shower so the nursery was already fully furnished and decorated. Matching cribs were in the middle of the room, filled with identical bedding and stuffed animals. In a show of her freakish organization fetish, as Josh saw it anyways, she had hired a contractor to come in and design a changing station as opposed to just a table. It was complete with a sink, shelf storage space, and even a trash chute that connected down to the kitchen. The rocking chair faced the huge bay window, which looked out over the bright lights of the Capitol. Everything in the room was in perfect place; the only thing it had left to do was wait in anticipation for the joy and chaos it's newest occupants would bring with them.  
  
Donna let go of him to flick on the lights and lumbered over to the rocking chair, lowering herself into it.  
  
"I know what you're trying to do," Josh said from the doorway.  
  
"Really?" she replied, rocking back and forth slowly.  
  
"You're trying to tell me that no matter what happens professionally, I'll always have my family," he said, going towards her. He didn't go to her but rather leaned against the window across from her. "That even if the Republicans are in power for fifty more years, making my life an eternal Hell, my family will always be with me to make it a little easier and I appreciate that but reality is if I disclose my condition, it's a death sentence politically--"  
  
"You're such an ass, Josh," she interrupted, smiling slightly.  
  
"Beg your pardon?"  
  
"I said you're an ass. First of all, where do you get off thinking you can talk to me like I'm just some freshman Congressional wife from Podunk who accepts whatever you tell her because I understand nothing about how this town works? I understand the risk you take politically when you see a therapist but truthfully, I don't really give a damn. That's because in terms of my priorities, your political career comes a very, very distant second to this family." She rubbed her stomach in nurturing circles, sighing softly. "I realized something when I left you and that is that as much as I know how deeply you love politics and as much as you need me for it, I can't let it dictate our decisions for the kids and the fact is you need help if you want to continue to be as wonderful of a father as you are."  
  
Her words chilled him down to the marrow. "What the hell do you mean? Are you saying you'll leave me with the girls if I don't talk to a professional?" Josh asked her in disbelief.  
  
"Are you saying you want Emma to find you with a bloody hand near a broken window?" That sentence and the mental image that came with it, spun around in his head with dizzying speed. He shrank down to the floor, pulling his knees to his chest, as the thought of his daughter being harmed by his demons caused a fresh wave of self-loathing and berating for his own selfishness.  
  
"I'm sorry," he whispered, not even looking at her.  
  
"I know," she replied, reaching out to stroke his curls, "and it would kill me to have to do that so please don't make me."  
  
"I'll call him first thing in the morning. Maybe he can give me the name of a guy out here."  
  
"It'll be all right," she assured him.  
  
He smirked at that one. As intelligent as she was, she still possessed a certain naiveté about politics. It wasn't her fault really; he had just been in this business longer than she and seen so much more. "Probably not but I'm going do it anyways."  
  
"Josh..."  
  
"One summer when I was interning for Brennan in college," he began to explain, "there was an assistant Cabinet member who let it become public that he attended therapy to cope with his divorce. A year later a Congressman let it slip that he saw a shrink after his brother died next to him. You know who they are?"  
  
"No."  
  
"No you don't because both of them got run out of town being called crazies and lunatics. So forgive me for not being overjoyed at the prospect of this kind of public battle."  
  
"Assuming there's a battle at all," Donna suggested. "You're one of the most popular Senators to the public. How well do you think they'll react to those who try to attack you for recognizing that you need help dealing with an extraordinarily difficult situation? Plus do really believe that Toby isn't going to decimate anyone who goes after you? Or that Gus will or Bobby will or that I will?" She pulled his face up to hers, cupping his cheek. "You've got to trust us enough to let us fight for you just like you'd fight for anyone you loved."  
  
He smiled at her, kissing the palm of her hand before he leaned into her stomach. "You two have no idea how fortunate you are to have this woman for your mom," he told them.  
  
She grinned as they started kicking their agreement. "Oh they know," she said, putting his hand on her stomach. The two of them just sat there like that for a while, delighting in the nocturnal activities of their unborn children, and before they realized it the first rays of sunlight peaked into the window.  
  
"Look at that," he said around a yawn.  
  
"What?"  
  
"It's one more day," he clarified.  
  
"Yeah..." she drawled as she motioned for him to help her up. "One more day of what exactly?"  
  
"One more day that we're closer to meeting our new kids," he said, turning her to face the sunrise, resting a hand on her stomach. "One more day that I can do good things for this country. One more day that you can help the people who write to your column. One more day that Emma gets smarter. One more day that Natalie gets bigger. One more day where Toby doesn't attempt to kill Congress. One more day where you sister tries to beautify the world. One more day where our friends keep being our friends. But most importantly, it's one more day where I fall in love with you even more."  
  
"Mmmm," she sighed, leaning back against him. "I like those days."  
  
"Good," he muttered into her shoulder. "Because they happen to be every single day." 


	7. Chapter 6

**_Lyman Residence, Washington DC: May 31, 2006_**

**__**

DING-DONG

"Coming!" Josh shouted from the stairs as he struggled to get his cuff links on.

RING RING

"Donna, can you get that?" he called upstairs to where Donna was continuing to get ready.

"Daddy! Help me, I'm stuck!" Emma moaned pitifully in front of him, having trapped her arm behind her back in her overall straps.

RING RING

"Can you please get the damn phone, Donna?!" Josh cried out, trying to untangle his daughter.

"I'm not going tonight, Josh!" his wife called back, sounding suspiciously weepy.

"What?" he shouted over the noise, still struggling with Emma.

DING-DONG

RING RING

"I'm fat, bloated, and absolutely nothing I own fits anymore!" Donna continued, still crying. "I can't be seen in public like this!"

"Coming!" he yelled in the direction of the door as he finally freed his daughter. "Emma, grab the phone."

"And do what with it?" she grinned at him.

"I don't have time for games, young lady," he told her sternly. "Just answer the phone and take a message."

"Fine," she huffed, stalking towards the kitchen.

DING-

"There is no Earthly reason why you can't just assume we heard it on the first ring and that we're on our way?" Josh asked an amused Toby and Nicole.

"We can but we just enjoy adding to the chaos," Nicole said as they slithered inside. She looked him up and down. "You aren't ready yet."

"No, I am not."

"You have been home for two hours, I only had an one hour. How am I ready before you?"

"Probably because I had a nanny with the night off and a walking hormone hiding upstairs," he explained, holding out his hand for her to do his cuffs. "Speaking of which, I can't get her out of the bedroom."

"Let me give it a try," Nicole said as she finished with his cuff links before heading upstairs.

Josh shook his head at Toby. "Oh there are days, Toby. Believe me when I say there are days when the whole family thing drives me up a wall."

"Yeah, yeah whatever," Toby rolled his eyes at him, going over to fix himself a drink. "Try selling that act to someone who's buying."

DING-DONG

"Please be the limo," Josh prayed, going to answer the door. Alas, it was not. "Oh hey T.J."

"Good to see you too, Josh," he replied less than cordially as he came inside. "Hey Toby, what's up man?" he said far more politely, shaking the man's hand.

"Nothing much, just accompanying my boss here to a State function where there will be many people I dislike."

"Aren't there many people you dislike everywhere you go?"

"And yet I find the will to go on from some deep place inside me." He poured T.J. a drink of his own. "What about you, how you been?"

"Well I got promoted at work; I am now a principle photographer making double what I made before, I'm heading to Las Vegas next week for a bachelor party, Donna promised that I could be godfather to one of the babies, and what else? Oh yeah, Ellie sent me the divorce papers yesterday morning." He smiled bitterly, raising his glass. "Cheers."

"Cheers." Toby replied, knowing all too well the emotions raging through T.J. at that moment.

"Hey do you mind, T.J.?" Josh said from the doorway, putting on his jacket.

"Mind what?" he asked, going to pour another drink.

"Waiting until after you finish baby-sitting my kids to get hammered?"

"Well that's not the way I would characterize it."

"Well whatever you call it, can you wait until you're not responsible for my kids until you do it?"

"Fine," T.J. gritted out, going to empty out the glass in the kitchen, purposely nudging against Josh as he did.

"Hi Uncle T.J.!" Emma exclaimed as they passed, hugging him tightly.

"Hey munchkin," he said with forced cheer, patting her head quickly before detaching himself.

"I thought your party started soon," Emma said to her father.

"It does," Josh replied, checking his watch. "We'll be leaving as soon as the limo gets here."

"It won't," the girl told him, sitting down on the sofa.

"What do you mean?"

"That was the phone call, the limo company. The limo has mechanical difficulties and they can't make it."

"You're kidding, right?"

"Yes I am, it will be here in twenty minutes."

"Are you sure?"

"No I'm not, it really does mechanical difficulties."

"Do you ever want to be able to watch television again?" Josh asked.

"Yes I do, Daddy."

"Emma, is the limo coming or not?"

"It's stuck in some minor traffic, it will be here within a half hour or you get twenty-five percent of your deposit back."

"Thank you," he smiled, kissing her forehead.

"You're welcome," she smiled sweetly. "So whose party is this that you're going to tonight?"

"It is a party the White House is throwing for the Prime Minister of Great Britain," Josh told her, sitting beside her.

"Britain is England, right?"

"Yes, England is a part of Great Britain."

"The British were our allies in World War II. Their old Prime Minister, Winston Churchill, came up with the phrase, 'The Iron Curtain', to describe the Soviet Union in the 1950s," Emma explained, spouting off some of her recent fourth-grade graduate knowledge. "The British also have really bad teeth and they really like soccer for some reason except over there they call it football. Plus, the entire royal family is inbred. That means that--"

"Yes, yes we know exactly what that means," Josh cut her off. "But where'd you learn that?"

"From Lily."

"Ah, what a positive female role model you have for a godmother," he deadpanned, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

"Can me and Natty have pizza for dinner tonight?"

"I don't know, can you? Do either of you possess the ability to chew, swallow, and digest pizza?"

"May Natty and I have pizza for dinner tonight?" Emma corrected herself, rolling her eyes.

"Yes you may, go ask your uncle to order it for you." She scampered off to the kitchen, leaving Toby and Josh to wait for the womenfolk.

"You shouldn't give him such a hard time you know," Toby said, standing across from Josh.

"What do you mean?"

"With T.J., it wouldn't kill you to be civil to the guy."

"I will when he will, Toby."

"Okay because this is exactly how a reasonable, respected elected official should behave."

"How come I get this lecture when he's the one who's been treating me for years like I'm the anti-Christ or Hitler or a Republican?"

"Maybe so but he's just a kid and he's getting divorced and being nice to his brother-in-law isn't high on his list of priorities right now."

"So what are you saying, I need to give him a shoulder to cry on? A manly pat on the shoulder and a lecture on how he'll be so much better without Ellie?"

"I'm saying it's normal for him to be pissed off and depressed and people usually don't like to be told they can't be those things."

"And I'm saying I don't care if he does that or how he does that on his own time but it isn't going to be drinking when he's taking care of my daughters. Got it?"

"Yeah," Toby replied, fiddling with his cummerbund. "But I know what he's going through firsthand and you don't so trust me when I tell you that you need to lay off him a bit.

"Fine," Josh said hastily as he heard footsteps descending down the stairs. He got up to see that Nicole had managed to get Donna dressed and out of the bedroom, a feat Josh had feared impossible. "You look amazing," he said sincerely to his wife, going over to kiss her.

"You are a politician and I don't trust a word that comes out of your mouth but I'm down here now and I don't have the energy to climb the stairs again," Donna pouted, reaching up to adjust Josh's bowtie.

"Just a few more weeks," Josh tried to reassure her, putting his arms around her as best he could but her huge stomach was extremely awkward between them.

"Yeah, like I'll have any energy left then either when I'm breastfeeding twins," she scoffed.

"Don't worry about that tonight," he said, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Just worry about charming all those foreign nationals and powerful politicos, which you will do with ease."

"Whatever," she sighed. "Is T.J. here yet?"

"Yes he is," the man himself said from behind her. Josh squeezed her shoulders, saying he was going to check on the girls before he left to give her a moment with her younger brother.

Donna immediately walked over to her baby brother and wrapped her arms around him. Nicole had told her upstairs about the divorce papers coming and her heart ached for him. "Is there anything you need?" she asked.

"Yes, you to stop chocking me," T.J. grunted, pulling back.

"What's with this hair?" Donna questioned, running her hands across the growing stubble on his chin and his longer brown hair. "Going grunge on us now, are you?" 

"I don't know," he shrugged. "New life, new look I guess. But you," he stepped back to get a good look at his sister, clad in a deep burgundy silk Armani ball gown, "you look stunning, Bella. There's absolutely no way that you used to be that gangly kid with braces that used to kick my ass back to last week."

"Are you okay?" she asked again, not at all liking the melancholy attitude he was exuding.

T.J. shrugged his shoulders, keeping his eyes glued to the floor. "I don't know yet," he answered, squeezing her hands. "Maybe someday but not right now."

"Have you talked to her at all?"

"What are we gonna talk about? How neither of us are willing to change our careers or who gets the house or who cheated on who first?"

"Cheated?" Donna mimicked, stunned. That was the first she'd heard about it. "You mean you both--"

"Doesn't matter anymore," he said forlornly. "None of that matters any more, it was just something that sped the inevitable up a little bit. I don't hold it against her and she says she doesn't hold it against me."

"What about Shawn?"

"She wants full custody," he sighed, leaning back against the wall. "I'm gonna give it to her."

"Oh sweetie," she squeaked, her eyes welling up at the prospect of what her brother was losing.

"It just wouldn't be fair to him," T.J. explained, more to himself than to Donna. "I'm never in one place for too long and you know, with kids they need stability; they need the same house and the same bed and the same school every day. Ellie's hours are shit right now but they'll get better and mine won't." He shook his head and smiled a bit. "I'll still see him and all. It won't be like we had it growing up."

"I'll watch over him for you," she promised. "I'll make sure he always knows how much his Daddy loves him."

"Thank you," he choked out, reaching to put his arms around her, his shoulders shivering as he let his big sister comfort him.

"Donna!" they both heard Josh call from outside the living room. "The limo's here."

"Coming!" she called back, still clinging to T.J. Finally, she released him and wiped at the moisture underneath his eyes. "You gonna be all right tonight?"

"Yeah," he nodded, brushing her hands away. "Go ahead; you have foreign dignitaries to impress and I have nieces to entertain."

"Okay," she smiled, giving him a peck on his cheek leaving a bit of lipstick on him. "Oops," she apologized, spiting on a tissue to clean it off.

"Hey, hey, hey!" he protested, holding her hand with the offending tissue at bay. "One of the perks of adulthood is no one can clean me with saliva anymore."

"It's just a little bit, don't be a baby," she ordered, managing to swipe the make up off of him as he grimaced in annoyance. "There, all gone."

"Donna, go to your party. Schmooze, have fun, dance a waltz or two with your spouse."

"The last time I danced with Josh while pregnant I ended up going into labor," Donna informed him. "Not sure if I want to risk that."

"Donna!" Josh knocked loudly on the door. "We have to go now!"

"Yes, yes, I'm coming!" She smiled once more at her brother, patting his shoulder as they left the room. Josh, who had Natalie in his arms, let her kiss her daughter goodbye before handing the child to T.J. and immediately started tugging Donna towards the door as she prattled off last minute instructions to T.J. "Okay you have all the numbers? Cell phones, pagers, doctors?"

"All set."

"You'll make them dinner?"

"Already ordered a pizza."

"Emma can have two slices, cut up Natalie's, they can have yogurt and fruit for desert, and juice or milk for both of them." She grabbed T.J. by his right ear and yanked roughly. "So help me God, Tomasso Arthur Moss, you give either of my children a caffeine-based beverage of any kind before their bedtime again--"

"Got it, got it," he tried to assure her, prying her fingers from his flesh.

"Good. We'll be home by midnight, feel free to raid the fridge but try to refrain from ordering adult movies off pay-per-view again."

"It was one time and I--"

"Just don't do it again," Josh broke in, practically dragging his wife out the door. "Goodnight Emma, be good for your uncle!" he shouted towards the kitchen where the Emma was.

"Goodnight baby, we love you!" Donna shouted as well.

"Bye!" Emma replied and finally they were out the door and in the limo.  

"We're late," Nicole said in a singsong voice as the car finally pulled away.

"I know," Josh said in the same tone, leaning his head back against seat. "Time is more of a concept than an exact science when kids are involved."

"And you guys only have two right now. We're never going to see you when those guys pop out," Nicole commented, pointing towards Donna's stomach.

Josh smirked at her. "Oh what a travesty that will be, Nicole. I shudder to think how'll we'll pull through without your guidance."

"Josh, my darling husband," Donna said, wrapping his arm around her.

"Yeah?"

"You really want to make disparaging remarks about your sister-in-law to your pregnant wife? You really want to walk down that path all by your lonesome?"

"No," he replied, slightly fearful. "No, I do not."

"No you do not," Donna agreed with him, wiggling as best she could to try to get comfortable.

"You all right?"

"My back hurts, what else is new?"

"Josh, you want to be sure to get a minute with Durmont tonight," Toby said, hanging up his cell phone. 

"What for?"

"He's a soft yes on 1064, the Leadership wants him to be a hard yes. You have to get him to commit otherwise you have to deal with Shaw and Hartly on Monday morning."

"Got it," he agreed idly, stroking Donna's bare arm. "Call Gus, have him pull the Budget stats up in case Durmont decides he'd rather not sit at the cool kid's table."

"You can't," Donna said. "Gus is at the dinner tonight."

"He is? How?"

"He got invited," Donna explained as the limo pulled up to the White House among a throng of others.

"By who?"

"Whom, Josh. The correct word is actually whom," Toby chimed in.

"Thank you, Toby," he rolled his eyes.

"Oh so Emma must speak grammatically perfect English while her father gets to slack off? No, no, no."

"Again I ask, by whom was my aide invited?"

"I think," Donna smiled, knowing how much Josh was going to love the answer, "by Congressman Shepard's daughter, Eileen."

"Paul Shepard, out of the Indiana 5th?"

"Yep,"

"He's a Republican and I was under the assumption his family was as well."

"That assumption was correct," she replied as the limo pulled to a stop. Two attendants opened their doors and Josh and Toby helped their ladies out of the car.

"He's with a Republican," Josh bemoaned as the arrived at the security checkpoint. "Traitor."

"It's not like he's selling copies of staff memos or anything like that," Nicole laughed as she handed over her purse for inspection.

"She wouldn't have to offer money; she'd put her hand on some conspicuous yet unseen body part of his while she was whispering sweet nothings in his ear and before he knew it he'd be her love slave, ready and willing to adhere to all her nefarious demands."

"Well," Donna said, slipping her arm through her husband's as they were led into the East Ballroom, "look on the bright side."

"And what is that?"

"Maybe if Gus starts dating, your daughter will forget that she has a crush on him." She watched him consider that and after a beat, a huge grin appeared on his face.

"Well when you put it like that," he replied, snagging a glass of champagne from a passing tray, "a blessing on their house." Before he could drink any, Donna snatched it away from him and handed it to Toby.

"I can't get tipsy, you can't get tipsy," she reiterated. "I'm going to go freshen up in the ladies room."

"I'll go too," Nicole said, going with her.

"Are women afraid to go to the bathroom by themselves or something…" Josh trailed off to their retreating forms. "Never mind." He turned to Toby. "Which side of the room do you want?"

"I'll take the bar, that's where most of the staff members are gonna be. You should circulate around the tables," Toby advised, plotting out their courses for optimum politicking potential. "Meet back in about an hour."

"Got it," Josh said, going to his prospective area.

It was a fine art, making deals at official functions like this. One had to have the appearance that this wasn't what the evening was all about but one also had to let it be known to others that what was said here carried as much weight as if it were said sitting across one another from a conference table. It took the right kind of aura to pull it off but it was an aura that Josh had mastered years before.

He did a preliminary lap around the area, just nodding hello to people, making it known that he was there, before he spotted Durmont on the other side of the room. 'Perfect timing,' he thought, slowly moving in for the kill. He was about half way there when a voice halted him; a whiskey-smoked voice from his past that he'd doubted he'd hear again.

"Good evening, Josh." Turning slowly, trying best to keep his expression neutral, he came face to face with Leo McGarry.

"Leo," he said, shock clear in his voice. He gazed with curiosity over his former mentor and friend, surprised by how much, in the span of less than two years, age had touched him. His hair was now completely white, not a spot of gray to be found anywhere and the lines on his face were far more pronounced and embedded. He wondered when it had happened, when Leo had become an old man. "What are you doing here?" he breathed.

"I was in town, figured I'd drop by," Leo shrugged, trying and failing for a weak stab at humor. He cleared his throat and tentatively took a step towards Josh. "How's the family?"

"Good," Josh replied cautiously, not sure exactly why Leo was here or what he wanted from the conversation. "The girls are growing up faster than I can stand it."

Leo smiled that Cheshire Cat grin that you could never forget, that Josh had secretly longed to see for a while now. "They do tend to do that," he commented. "I heard Donna's pregnant too."

"Yeah, with twins. They're due in a couple of weeks."

"Well congratulations," Leo told him, taking another slow step forward. "On everything, Josh. You are truly living up to the potential your father had for you."

At the mention of the late Noah Lyman, Josh's face noticeably hardened. 'What right, after everything he's put me through, does he think he has to even utter my father's name in front of me?' he thought bitterly. "Not yours though," he retorted, his shock at seeing Leo quickly giving way to his residual anger at the man for just abandoning him two years ago. After Bartlet resigned and Sam, in anger and defiance, left to run for governor of California, Leo had eventually joined him there, leaving Josh alone to navigate the tumultuous waters of his first campaign. Adding insult to injury, Leo himself hadn't even broken the news to Josh; he'd left that task to Jed as he was already in California laying the groundwork for Sam's run, a campaign that had included more than one unfriendly mention of Josh and his career.

"Look Josh--"

"Senator," Josh cut him off bitingly. "It's Senator Lyman, Leo. I'm not the heir apparent anymore."

Leo sighed deeply, prepared to face the music he should have a long time ago. He jerked his head to the side of the room, hoping to have the argument as inconspicuously as possible. "That's not true and I think you know that," Leo countered as the two men leaned against a marble pillar, unheard but not unseen from the DC elite. "I have always known what you are capable of accomplishing when you want it."

"I don't know anything you think or know anymore, Leo," Josh shot back. "You packed up and left two years ago, never to be seen or heard by anyone again, on this Coast at least."

"Sam needed me to--"

"It never occurred to you that maybe, this being my first campaign for my first public office, I could use a little help too?"

"You had Toby as your campaign manager, you had the endorsement of the DNC, you had the funds to start campaigning and stumping right away, and you had your family for support," Leo ticked off. "Sam had a grand total of none of those things not to mention he's nowhere near the political mind that you are."

"Well who needs that when you have the former White House Chief of Staff doing all the actual work for you plus a world-class Press Secretary weaving the press under her spell," Josh said, referring to CJ who had also chosen to join Sam and leave Josh behind with no explanation.

"Sam is a good politician," Leo argued.

"Sam is a safe politician," Josh corrected. "Sam knows how to put a good spin on bad situations, how to not offend anyone who he disagrees with, and how to compromise to the detriment of his own goals. Sam's an amazing politician for himself; he's a shitty politician for his constituency."  

Leo pursed his lips and cast his steely gaze on Josh, the gaze that used to have him promising Leo his firstborn child to get away from it; now, amazingly, it had absolutely no affect on him whatsoever. "I disagree with you on that," Leo finally said.

"Doesn't mean I'm not right," Josh replied, spotting Donna across the room chatting with the director of a charitable organization. "I have to go. I wish I could say this had been enjoyable." With that, he started to walk towards his wife but Leo grabbed his arm.

"I didn't want to fight with you," he said softly, focusing on Josh's shoulder rather than his face. "I heard about…about the robbery. I just needed to see for myself that you were all right." Lightly patting his arm, he released Josh. "Give Donna and the kids my love. And good luck with the twins." Gathering his composure, he quickly disappeared back into the crowd, leaving a speechless Josh in his wake.

"Hey." He jumped when he felt Donna touch his shoulder. He turned to look at her concerned eyes, seeing she had seen what had just transpired. "How you doing?"

"I'm okay, I think," he said, taking her hand and bringing it to his mouth, kissing her knuckles.

"So the two of you talked?"

"Yeah."

"What about?"

Josh narrowed his eyes, trying once again to spot Leo but he was gone. Gone again from Josh's life as quickly as he'd left the first time. Josh was surprised to realize that while it hurt, it didn't hurt as much as before and in understanding that, Josh finally grasped that Leo was his past; a huge, irreplaceable part of his past life but a part of his past nonetheless. Leo had helped to shape the man that he had become and now it was up to Josh to live up to the potential that Leo had helped give him. And for the first time in two years, Josh finally understood what Leo was doing: helping Sam to become the man he needed to be. Whether or not he would succeed with Sam was yet to be seen but Josh was heartened in the knowledge that Leo's work with him was done.

"Doesn't matter," he finally said to his wife, squeezing her hand tightly. "It's in the past."

"You sure?" Donna asked, not completely convinced.

"Yeah," he grinned at her, leaning down to kiss her. Pulling back, he took her other hand and started tugging her towards the main floor. "Come on, I want to dance with you."

"Josh no," she shook her head, trying to remain rooted to her spot.

"Please Donnatella?" he begged happily. "I'm in a room full of people who know how successful I am and I want them to see me dancing with the most beautiful woman in the entire world."

"So why do you want them to see you dancing with your cow of a wife?" she grumbled as she reluctantly let him lead her to the other dancing couples. As much as she didn't want to dance, a bigger part of her wanted to keep that smile on Josh's face.

"You," Josh said twirling her to the beat of the music, "are the most stunning creature in this hemisphere."

"Just this one?" she joked with him, relaxing in his embrace.

"In all hemispheres of all planets in all solar systems," he assured her. He pulled her tighter against him, as tight as her stomach would allow anyways.

"You mean that?" she asked shyly, knowing she was fishing for complements but as a hormonal pregnant woman, she thought that was her right.

"Donna," he whispered against her ear. "You've given me the two most amazing children that God ever created. How could I not worship the ground you walk upon?" He bent slightly to nibble her ear when he suddenly felt her hand tighten in his and her back immediately tense.

"I'm glad you feel that way," Donna breathed out, not relaxing her grip as she stopped dancing.

"Why?" Josh asked slowly but already having a good idea what the answer was.

"Because I'm probably going to give you two more tonight." She pulled back to look at him, smiling shakily. "My water just broke."         

"Okay," Josh said confidently, feeling more prepared for the birthing process this time than he had with Natalie. He knew this time in order for Donna to remain calm, which was the best thing for herself and the babies, that he had to be calm as well. Or at least appear that he was calm. "Let's just get our things, find Toby and Nicole, and we'll get you to the hospital." He led her away slowly, so as not to draw any attention their way when a funny thought struck him. "Hey, do you realize this is exactly where your water broke last--"

"Oh God!" she screeched quietly as she felt her first contraction, so powerful she had to stop moving as the pain sucked all of the air out her body. She grabbed onto a nearby table with both her hands, squeezing her eyes shut as she fought to breathe against the discomfort ripping through her stomach.

'Screw calm!' Josh thought frantically, searching for Toby or Nicole as he saw what kind of physical distress his wife was in. "Are you supposed to be feeling one that bad this soon?" he whispered to her nervously.

"Shut up Josh," Donna panted out, waiting for the contraction to ease off so she could move. 

"Just…just breathe and, you know, stuff," he tried to instruct her, feeling extremely inadequate watching his wife suffering.

Finally, the pain began to lessen slightly, leaving a sharp cramp in its wake. Donna knew they didn't have much time unless they actually wanted their children born in the White House. "We've gotta go now," she urged Josh, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the exit as quickly as she could manage.

"Right," Josh nodded dumbly, letting her take the initiative in this.

"Hey guys!" Nicole gushed at them, hanging onto Toby's arm. The flushed color of her skin alerted them that in the hour or so they had been there, Nicole was not only drinking for herself but compensating for her sister. "What's the hurry? You bored to death already because you can't drink at these things? Because believe you me, these things are a hell of lot more fun with a couple of gin and tonics in your system."

"Did you talk to Durmont yet?" Toby asked, ignoring his girlfriend's giddiness and intoxication.

"No he didn't," Donna answered shortly before Josh could open his mouth. "And he's not going to. I'm in labor right now and I have to get to the hospital fairly soon or the twins are going to win the news cycle."

"Oh my God," Nicole sighed, almost immediately sobering up. Putting down her glass, she took Donna and started to get her out of the room while Josh and Toby just stood there blankly. "Are you coming?" she hissed back at them, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible.

"Yes," Josh said, trying to shake off his nerves as he and Toby hustled after the women.

Arriving at the Ellipse, Nicole led Donna to the first vehicle that she saw at the end of the line, a limo that was not theirs. "Here, get her in," she instructed the men. As they did that, she went to the driver's window and knocked politely. "Excuse me, sir," she said when the confused chauffer opened the window. "Hi. Listen, I need you to get out of the car right now and give me your keys."

"Beg your pardon?"

"I assure you, sir, I'm not committing a crime here nor do I intend to but my sister is having a baby right now, two actually, and we need to get her to the hospital like yesterday."

"Oh I can drive you there," the chauffer offered kindly, glancing in the back at Donna. "I can get you there in a jiffy."

"Yeah, a jiffy's not going to work for us," Nicole explained, opening his door for him. In a daze, the man got out of the car, giving his keys to her. "Thank you so much. We will get this back to you and take care of any expenses occurred because of this. Toby!" He popped up on the other side just in time to have the keys tossed to him. "Here, you drive."

Toby glanced in on the driver's side. "It's a stick. I can't drive stick," he said tossing the keys back to her. "You drive."

"I was downing gin and tonics that were decidedly more gin than tonic less than five minutes ago," she argued, tossing the keys back. "I'm not going to drive my pregnant sister to a hospital at seventy miles an hour."

Before it could go any further, Josh got out of the car and took the keys. "I'll drive," he said, much more in control now. Everyone got in the car and the doors weren't closed for a second before Josh gunned the engine and started to speed off.

"Josh, be careful!" Donna cried from the back, gripping her sister's hand in the midst of a contraction while Josh was pushing eighty miles an hour.

"I'm fine, just worry about you," Josh told her as he navigated his way through the streets of DC.

"There won't be a me to be a worry about if you don't slow down!"

"I'm fine!"

"You're driving a limo; you've never driven a limo before! Just slow down a little bit for God's sakes!"

"Donna, if we're lucky you won't give birth in this car! I'm trying to get you--"

"Hey!" Nicole shouted at the two of them, trying to assert some control. "Stop it right now, this situation doesn't need anymore stress! You," she addressed Josh, "eyes on the road and be careful. You," she said to Donna, "just relax and concentrate on your breathing and everything is going to be fine. Right Toby?" She looked up at him for an answer but he was unavailable as he was holding the car door open slightly and vomiting onto the street.

"Sorry," he coughed, looking up at her as he closed the door. "What was that?"

"Never mind," she replied wearily, turning her head and wishing she'd been able to finish that fourth gin and tonic.

Mercifully, roughly three and half minutes later, they arrived at the emergency room entrance of George Washington Hospital. Josh skidded to a stop and threw his door open.

"Hey you can't park there!" a police officer shouted at him angrily.

"My wife's in labor, officer," he threw out as he went to get her out of the car. "I'll move it later--"

"You'll move it now, sir," the officer declared.

"Officer--"

"Now!"

"Josh, its okay. Move the car," Donna told him as she was helped into a nearby wheelchair. "I'll meet you upstairs."

"Donna--"

"Josh, go," she said, squeezing his hand supportively. "You don't want to miss this, do you?"

"Okay," he replied, placing a quick but fierce kiss on her forehead. "I'll be right there, just try to keep your legs closed or something."

"Josh, just go," Nicole told him as she and Toby watched an orderly wheel Donna inside. "We'll stay with her." With that, Josh raced to go park the limo somewhere close by and Nicole and Toby raced to catch up with Donna.


	8. Chapter 7

"Where are you taking me?" Donna panted out in the middle of a contraction as she realized they weren't taking her to the elevators to go up to the obstetrics unit.

"Ma'am, we just want to examine you down here quickly and then we'll get you straight up to OB," a male doctor who looked young enough to be Donna's son told her as she was wheeled into a room. "Is she having more than one baby?"

"Yes I'm having twins," Donna herself told him.

"All right, well your contractions are pretty close together. We'll check you here real quick and then we'll get you upstairs."

"Can I still get drugs?"

"I don't know yet, you may have to tough this one out."

"Oh great," she whimpered.

"Are you both family?" he asked Nicole and Toby.

"Yes," she quickly replied as her sister was situated on a bed and they began the process of getting her into a hospital gown.

"Well why don't one of you go up to OB and check her in so they'll be ready for her when we're done."

"Okay I'll go," Nicole said, rushing off before a decidedly green-faced Toby knew what was going on. Fifteen minutes ago, he'd been leading his girlfriend away from the bar before she embarrassed herself and now he was standing in an emergency room, watching his boss's wife writhe in pain.

Feeling helpless, he hesitantly walked over to Donna's bedside. "Are you in a lot of, you know, pain?" he asked dimly. Huffing and puffing as if her life depended on it, her face contorted in torment, Donna simply looked over at Toby in astonishment. "Right. Okay, sorry." As the contraction reached its peak, her hand flew up and grabbed onto Toby's shirt collar, wailing in agony.

"Excuse me, sir," a nurse asked over the noise, tapping Toby's shoulder as if a screaming woman wasn't trying to maim him. "I need your name for the form, sir."

"Uh Toby Ziegler," he said off handedly, busy with other things at the moment.

"And the mother's name?"

"Why do you need to know my mother's name?"

"I meant her name," the nurse corrected, pointing to Donna.

"Oh Donna, this is Donna. Do you have any idea when she'll be moved upstairs?"

"Not until we get this first baby out," the doctor proclaimed, materializing at the foot of the bed.

"Excuse me?"

"What?!" Donna exclaimed, in between contractions.

"Donna, you're at ten centimeters, there's about a minute between the contractions, and the first baby is crowning," the doctor declared. "On your next contraction I want you to push as hard as you can. Any questions?"

"Yes, who the hell are you?"

"I'm Dr. Paulson."

"Well Dr. Paulson, I really don't want to deliver in an emergency room," Donna begged, sitting up as best she could. "I want to be upstairs in my birthing suite with my doctor and a whole lot of drugs if you know what I mean."

"I understand that, ma'am but you will never make it up to OB so unless you'd rather deliver in an elevator I suggest you get ready to push."

"No you don't…Oh God!" she screamed when the contraction hit, bearing down against it as best she could by instinct.

"That's good, Donna, keep pushing!" Dr. Paulson directed loudly. He looked over at Toby and told him, "Take her hand and help her to sit up." Toby immediately did just that, the adrenaline of the situation taking hold of him. He didn't even care that Donna was basically breaking his hand or that the sweat covering him was ruining his tuxedo; he just let himself get caught up in it all, in this whole insane process of bringing life into the world. "Hey man, get a look at this," the doctor smiled at Toby.

Not being able to help himself, Toby peered down slightly in between Donna's legs and saw a dark, bloody ball emerging. "What the hell is that?" he asked, aghast yet fascinated.

"That's the head," Paulson told him over Donna's screams as more and more of the tiny creature slowly slipped out. "We've got the head and shoulders. One more big push, Donna."

"I can't," she sobbed loudly, her entire body trembling with exertion. "I can't do it. Please, it hurts so bad!"

"Sure you can do this, Donna," Toby found himself telling her supportively, wiping her sweaty hair back from her forehead. "Come on now, you've waited nine months for this. Don't you want to hold your daughter in your arms?"

At the mention of finally seeing her child, a child she'd yearned for and prayed for, she somehow took in a deep breath and held it in, leaning forward and letting loose a ferocious scream of anguish as she pushed with all of the strength left within her. When at last, her wailing stopped, it was immediately replaced by a wailing of a different kind, the kind that brought a huge smile to her tear-stained face.

"Say hello to your daughter," Dr. Paulson said happily, holding her up for view before laying the quivering, crying child on top of her mother's stomach.

Instantly, Donna engulfed her baby girl in her arms, every ache in her body immediately forgotten. Holding her to her breast and rocking her slowly, she looked down into the squished, red face that was still covered in her own bodily fluids. "Hello my love," Donna whispered to her reverently, stroking the miniscule little fists that flayed about. "Hello Audrey Joan."

"She's…cute," Toby commented, swallowing back a bit of bile at the sight of the shriveled little body covered in a wash of substances that Toby didn't particularly want to know about.

"No, she's a complete mess but they'll clean her up," Donna laughed at him, still utterly entranced by Audrey.

"Would you like to cut the umbilical cord?" Dr. Paulson asked Toby, holding up a pair of surgical scissors to Toby in one hand and the bloody, stringy mass of body matter in the other.

All of a sudden, it was too much for the poor Mr. Ziegler. "No I…I think I'll pass…out," he mumbled before he collapsed onto the floor.

"Oh God!" Donna shrieked as she watched her friend go down before erupting in giggles as the whole crazy night began to sink in. "You're gonna take care of him, right?" 

"Yes we will," a nurse said, gently extracting the baby from her mother's arms to have her vitals checked and to wash her up. Donna didn't take her eyes off her baby for a second; not when she delivered the placenta a minute later or when they took her legs off the stirrups and covered her up or when the doctor said that her room was ready upstairs or as a couple of orderlies heaved Toby into a wheelchair to be examined in the next room. At that moment, she only had eyes for Audrey.

"Is she all right?" she asked the nurse when they finally laid the swaddled bundle back in her arms.

"She's perfect," the nurse replied kindly as Donna lovingly stroked her daughter's cheek. "Officially, five pounds, eleven ounces and seventeen inches long."

"She's smaller than my other daughters were."

"She's a good size for a twin. Speaking of which, they're going to move you upstairs now."

"Can I hold her on the way up?" Donna asked innocently, not willing to let go of her daughter so soon. The nurse glanced at Dr. Paulson, who nodded after a few seconds. "Thank you," she told them, finally tearing herself away from Audrey.

"All in a day's work," the doctor answered as she was wheeled out the room. "Congratulations and good luck with the next one."

"Yeah," Donna sighed happily, kissing Audrey's forehead as she was put into the elevator to get ready for the second leg of her journey.

Before the elevator doors had even opened on the obstetrics unit, Donna could hear her husband's panicked voice.

"My wife is supposed to be up here! She's tall, blonde, and, oh yeah, having twins!" he cried, presumably to the medical staff. "She was practically delivering in the car on the way to the hospital!"

"I understand that, sir," someone tried to explain to him. "But your wife is not listed as being-"

"I want to speak to the Chief of Staff of this hospital right now!" Donna saw Josh scream as the doors opened and her bed was wheeled onto the floor. And though it was probably just an involuntary reflex, Donna could have sworn she saw Audrey try to turn her head towards the sound of Josh's voice. "I am a United States Senator for God's sakes, how the hell is it possible that you people could just lose my wife?!" he exclaimed, pacing in frustration.

"Please just check your computers one more time before we start going room to room," Nicole explained to the haggard nurse, calmer than Josh but not by much. "She has to be up here, I've been up here for ten minutes and they said they just wanted to check her over quickly in the ER. Now I left for a couple of minutes because I saw a needle and needles are evil tools of the Devil so maybe she was brought up then and you somehow missed her."

"Maybe it just took a little while to examine her," the nurse replied sensibly.

"Okay, you go left, I'll go right," Nicole told Josh, pointing down the hallway. 

"There will be no need for that."

"Why the hell not? Sounds like a plan to me," Josh said sarcastically, stopping in front of the desk.

"Because I believe your wife and one of your babies just got off that elevator," the nurse answered, pointing to an amused Donna and a surprisingly quiet Audrey. They both whipped around quickly to meet a smiling Donna's eyes.

"Aww," Nicole gushed sweetly, striding over to her sister without hesitation. She peeked into the bundle of blankets to get a look at her newest niece and kissed Audrey's capped head. "She's beautiful."

"Yes she is. You just couldn't wait to get out though, could you?" Donna said to the baby as a tiny hand clasped around her finger, glancing up to find her husband who was still frozen in his place at the desk. His mouth was hanging open and his eyes looked twice their normal size as he looked over at his wife and their child. "Come on, Josh," she said tearfully. "Don't you want to hold your daughter in your arms?"

That snapped Josh out of his funk and in two steps he was by Donna's side, gazing into his daughter's perfect, tiny face and grinning like the idiotically proud father he was. "Hey sweetheart," he murmured gently, leaning down to kiss her tiny hand as he fell even more in love with her than he had been in the past several months. "It's Daddy, by the way." He nuzzled his nose into the side of Donna's neck, breathing her in. "Thank you," he mumbled into her ear.

"No problem," she replied, kissing his hair before groaning quietly as a gentler but uncomfortable contraction began. "But we still have one more to go."

"Right," Josh said casually, still taking in Audrey's features. "One more to go." Something caught his eye then and he looked at his wife curiously. "Donna?"

"What?"

"You aren't, by any chance, subconsciously suppressing any feelings of love or passion for Toby, are you?"

"No," she shook her head slowly, not knowing what he meant.

"Okay, just making sure this was a hospital error," he smiled, lifting Audrey's ID band up for Donna to see. In perfect black script, the name "Ziegler" appeared.

"Oh poor Toby," Donna laughed, hugging the baby closer. "First he passes out, then he becomes a father. What a night for the poor guy."

"He passed out?" Nicole asked, concerned.  "When?"

"When I was delivering, he stayed in the room with me. He actually made it through the birthing part okay but as soon as the doctor put the umbilical cord in front of him, it was over."

"Is he all right?"

"Probably, they're were just checking him out in the ER. You can go see him, I'll be fine from here."

"Okay, I'll see you later. I love you," she kissed Donna's head, "and I love you," she said kissing the baby's head, "and at this moment, I even kind of tolerate you," she joked, kissing Josh's head as well before beating a path down the stairs.

"Sorry to break this up but we need to get you into your room," another nurse said to Donna, "and this little one needs to go down to the nursery."

"Okay," Donna agreed begrudgingly, loathe to let the baby out of her sight but knowing that both Audrey should be in the nursery and that Lexi needed to make her entrance as well. She gingerly passed Audrey over to Josh, who promptly hugged her tightly and kissed her again until the nurse got her hands on her. "Bye-bye honey," she waved weakly to the baby as she was wheeled into her room. "Your little sister is gonna be with you soon."

"How are you feeling?" Josh asked his wife as she settled onto the bed while she was hooked up to several monitors for herself and the baby.

Donna shrugged her shoulders. "It hurts," she admitted, "but it's worth it."

"She's beautiful."

"I know," Donna agreed without a trace of modesty.

"Well, well, big surprise," Helen said as she came into the room. "Figures on my first night off in three weeks the Lyman twins would decide that they were sick of being cooped up," she continued as she sat on a stool in front of the bed and motioned for Donna to move forward and spread her legs for examination.

"Hey Helen," Josh said lightly. "Took you long enough to get here, you already missed the first one."

"As did you from what I hear so I wouldn't be lecturing." She slapped on a pair of latex gloves and checked Donna's cervix.

"Did you get a chance to see the baby?" Donna asked, staring up at the ceiling while trying not to focus on the added discomfort of the probing fingers. Josh, naturally, turned his head away to avoid the squeamishness he felt for things of that nature.

"Not yet but according to the chart, everything went perfectly fine, just really fast. Now when did labor start exactly?"

"Uh, about 8:10 is when my water broke."

"Any pain or discomfort before that?"

"I had some cramping that started late last night but they were really mild and I thought they were just Braxton-Hicks."

"Apparently not. You were lucky to get to the hospital as quick as you did; Audrey was born at 8:31 and I imagine President Hoynes and Prime Minister Abbot would not have been pleased had they been upstaged by a White House delivery." She finished up with Donna and took the chart, making some notations. "Okay, good news or bad news. Which first?"

"Good news," Josh answered, taking Donna's hand.

"Good news is that you and this baby are both healthy. You're blood pressure's fine and the baby has a strong heartbeat. All of that is news that we in the medical field deem to be good."

"And the bad news is…?"

"Well it's not necessarily bad," Helen started, sitting on the side of the bed, "it's just sort of going to be a major inconvenience for you."

"Just spit it out already," Donna groaned as a contraction started. Josh immediately felt her squeezing his hand with surprising strength and he had a flashback to Natalie's birth when she ended up breaking one of his fingers.

"Your cervix has shrunk, which is not totally uncommon in twin deliveries. It's not a problem, I assure you."

"How much longer until I deliver?" Donna growled.

"There's no way to tell really--"

"Helen!" Donna wailed, hunched on her side. "Spit it out!"

"You're back to just five centimeters and the contractions are about nine minutes apart," she finally admitted.

"What?" Donna moaned. "I'm at five? How is that possible?"

"It's not uncommon for your cervix to shrink down in between deliveries," Helen repeated reassuringly. "It just means that labor might take a little longer this time, depending upon how quickly you progress this time."

"How much longer exactly?"

"Put it this way: Audrey and Lexi are probably going to be twins with different birthdays." Her beeper started going off then and she patted Donna's hand supportively. "I've got to take this. I'll be back in a little while to check on you," she told them before leaving them.

"Oh God," Donna whined, leaning back against the pillow. "Why the hell is this happening?"

"It's not a bad thing, Donna," Josh tried to reason with her. "It just means that Lexi doesn't want to be rushed, that's all."

"Oh please be quiet. I know you mean well but please be quiet."

"Okay," he said, shrugging off his jacket and sitting by the bed.

They sat in silence for minute as they absorbed what had happened to them in the past few hours until Donna asked, "Did Nicole call the house?"

Josh cringed slightly as he realized the gaffe. "I don't think so," he replied, reaching for the bed phone.

"I'll do it," she said, taking the phone from him and dialing their number.

"Why?"

"Because I'd rather you and my brother not get into a fight right now."

"What makes you think--" He stopped talking when she gave him a look and held his hands up in defeat. "Okay, fine. Will you be all right if I go grab some coffee?"

"Sure." As he got up, she took his hand and pulled him down, kissing him full on the lips. "I love you."

"Love you too," he smiled before leaving, squeezing her shoulder lovingly.

Donna waited on the phone for a minute until someone finally answered. "Hello?" T.J. said loudly over noise in the background.

"T.J. its Donna. What's going on?"

"Bath time," he answered over the splashing and sloshing of Natalie in the water. 

"Everything's okay there?"

"Yeah we're all fine, Natalie just decided that her body made a better canvas than some paper. So what's up?

"I need a favor, T.J."

"Sure, shoot."

"I need you to spend the night at the house watching the girls."

"What's going on?"

"Emma's with you too, right?"

"Yeah."

"Promise not to shout when I tell you?"

"Maybe but most likely not. What is it, Donna?"

"I'm in labor. I'm at--"

"You're having the babies?" he cried out to Donna's annoyance.

"Mommy's having the babies?!" she could hear Emma squeal excitedly on the other end.

"Babies!" Natalie chimed in, splashing happily.

"Thank you, I appreciate that," Donna told her brother exasperatedly.

"Are you okay? Did you have either of them yet?" he asked, ignoring her irritation and the excited shouting of his nieces.

"I'm okay and yes, I already had Audrey. She's fine and we're just waiting on Lexi but the doctor thinks that she'll take longer so Josh can't get home, Nicole and Toby are with us here, and Helen's obviously here too so I need you to watch the girls tonight."

"I'm your fourth choice for caring for your children?" he asked, sounding a little wounded.

"Oh just shut up and tell me you can watch Emma and Natalie."

"Yeah, yeah, no problem. Do you have anything here you need me to bring over?"

"No, hold on for a second." A young woman in bright pink scrubs and an older man in blue scrubs with a tray full of equipment were coming into the room. "Who are you?" she addressed them.

"I'm Heidi, I'll be your nurse for the rest of your labor," the helium-voiced woman said, "and this is Dr. Sterling, the anesthesiologist. Dr. Harrington said you'd been planning to get an epidural and requested that we administer one if you still wanted it."

"I can still get one?" Donna asked in amazement.

"Absolutely. Dr. Harrington cleared it, she said we should do it now before your labor progresses any further."

"Goodbye T.J., tell the girls I love them and they'll see us tomorrow," Donna threw out, hanging up the phone before he could respond. Immediately, she sat up on the side of the bed and leaned slightly forward, assuming the proper position.

"You sure you don't want to do this naturally?" the doctor asked as he set up behind Donna.

"Doctor, do you have reproductive organs?"

"Uh, no ma'am."

"Then please be quiet and give me the damn drugs."

About fifteen minutes later, Dr. Sterling had left and Heidi was checking Donna's vitals when Josh came back into the room with his coffee. "Sorry, the machine up here was broken and I had to go to the cafeteria and there was a long line--" He noticed the lazy smile on his wife's face and became suspicious. "Are you okay?" he asked her, taking his seat.

"When I grow up, I want to be Mrs. Dr. Sterling," Donna drawled out happily, lying on her side.

He looked up curiously at the nurse. "Is she--?"

"Epidural," Heidi explained and Josh instantly understood, smoothing back Donna's hair. "I'm her nurse, Heidi. Everything appears normal, she's at six centimeters and Dr. Harrington will be by later. I'll be out at the nurse's station if you need anything, just press the call button."

"Thanks." He folded his arm on the guardrail and laid his chin on it, playing with strands of Donna's hair with his free hand. "Is the house still there or did T.J. rent it out to some graduating high school students while we were gone?"

"Was the coffee machine really broken or were your mooning over your new daughter?" she teased him.

"Yes," Josh answered seriously, still stroking her hair. "I just… I just cannot get over how beautiful she is."

"You were the same way with Natalie," she remembered fondly. "Every time you weren't hovering over me, you were just standing there outside the nursery window and staring at her for hours."

"How'd you know that? You were asleep most of the time."

She touched the hand that was mussing up her already ruined hair. "Leo told me once," she admitted, hoping after tonight that mentioning Leo's name wasn't a faux pas as it had previously been. "He said one time he found you there, you were sound sleep and when he woke you up, you had this huge red indentation on your forehead from the glass."

"Yeah," he smiled as he flashed back to the memory and to the man. "He was always there when I needed him.  I used to trust him more than anyone else in the world to watch out for me." He cupped her cheek and ran his thumb across it. "But then I met you and I realized that you were the only one I wanted taking care of me, watching my back for me."

"I'd rather watch your ass, to tell you the truth," she smirked.

He crinkled his eyebrows in confusion. "I'm doing that thing when I'm all mushy and emotional and you're going to just throw out sexual innuendos?"

"Forgive me but in addition to being on drugs right now I've also given birth once tonight."

"Of course, the "A Child Has Just Sprung from Uterus" defense."

She sighed heavily. "Its just such a shame."

"What is?"

"Well I wanted more children after these two but since you apparently have absolutely no interest in ever having sex with me again…" She kissed the palm of his hand, showing she was only teasing before getting serious again. "You're the only one too by the way. The only one I trust enough with my heart."

Josh gave her a thoughtful look. "Since when did we become such complete and utter saps?"

"We're getting older I guess. Older and sappier."

"Eh, could be worse," Josh reasoned, patting her stomach lightly. As soon as he touched her stomach, one of the monitors started beeping frantically, causing the both of them to jump anxiously and Josh to pull back as though his hand was a deadly weapon of some kind. Before panic could set in though, Heidi, perfectly composed, strolled back into the room.

"It just started going off," Donna tried to explain as the nurse glanced at the machine before she started adjusting the fetal monitor on Donna's stomach. "What are you doing?"

"Just trying to find the baby," Heidi said calmly, moving the device slowly and a few extremely long seconds later, the beeping stopped. The nurse secured the monitor and gave the two nervous parents a reassuring smile. "The baby just changed positions and the monitor couldn't find her. It happens a lot, there's nothing wrong at all."

"Are you positive?" Josh asked worriedly.

"Yes sir," the young woman replied. She pointed to the flashing numbers on the screen. "A normal fetal heart rate is between about a hundred and forty to a hundred and sixty beats per minute but the baby's all right if it is above ninety bpms. Right now, your baby has a heart rate of around a hundred and forty-six beats per minute, which is well within the safe limits. The baby is probably turning right now and that's why we lost the signal."

"Is that bad or…?" Donna tried to ask.

"Not necessarily. We'll keep a close eye on her to make sure everything's going smoothly and I'll find Dr. Harrington and have her come in to examine you."

"No need, Heidi," Helen herself said as she breezed back in. "I shall come to you." They got Donna's legs propped up and Helen examined her once more, although Donna didn't feel a thing this time. "Okay," she said slowly a couple of minutes later, pursing her lips in concentration. "Heidi, I want you to have someone call upstairs and have an OR ready for me in the next half hour.

"An operating room?" Donna cried as she tried to sit up. Josh wrapped an arm around her shoulder and helped support her, trying not to let his own anxiety show. "I thought everything was fine."

"It is fine right now and the baby is in a good position but she's turning so she might not stay that way and you're progressing a lot faster than we thought so I want to deliver you in the OR just on the off chance we need to do to a Caesarean." She checked Donna's chart again and glanced at the clock. "I want you guys to just sit tight and we'll see where we are in a little while."

Donna nodded shakily. "The baby's okay?"

"The baby is fine," Helen confirmed with a gentle smile and the worry lines around Donna's face relaxed ever so slightly. Josh kissed her head, rubbing her back to keep her composed while he told himself mentally that Helen knew what she was talking about but also trying to remember which medical school she had attended. "Heidi will be back to prep you for the OR. Josh, take these, go change, and wash up as best you can," Helen told him, going over to a drawer and pulling out some blue hospital scrubs.

"No, I'm good. I'll wait until we go up there."

"You can change, Josh. I'll be okay," Donna told him, knowing he was sweaty and uncomfortable in his tuxedo but that he didn't want to leave her either.

"Uh…okay," he replied, after a brief internal debate. He grabbed the clothes and turned quickly back to his wife. "I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere."

She rolled her eyes at him. "My legs are numb and I weigh five thousand pounds. The only way I could get out of this bed is if the hospital keeps a forklift handy."

"We do actually," Helen threw out as she left the room.

"No one was speaking to you!" Donna shouted towards her. She smiled at Josh. "I'll be fine, just change before you make the dry cleaning bill any worse."

"Right," he said, hustling down the corridor towards the men's room. He cleaned up and changed with the speed of a seasoned runway pro and was back in Donna's room in less than six minutes. "What'd I miss?" he asked, still tying the drawstrings as Heidi handed him one of those surgical mushroom hats that his wife was already sporting.  

"Oh nothing much just…oh!" Donna peeped, her eyes widening slightly.

"Are you all right ma'am?"

"Yes I just think my water broke again," Donna admitted a little sheepishly. "I didn't even feel it but the sheet's wet now."

Heidi pulled up the bed sheet and glanced down. "Yes you did," the nurse verified, letting the sheet fall and glancing at the clock to note the time. "Perfectly clear. We'll make sure the sheets are changed before you come back--" All of a sudden, that same frenzied beeping from before started again. Heidi quickly checked the fetal monitor, only this time she did not look as calm as before. She went to the wall and pushed a black button connected to an intercom. "Dr. Harrington, stat page to room 341. Dr. Harrington, stat page to room 341."

"What's going on?" Donna asked, clutching Josh's hand nervously.

"The baby's heart rate dropped down to ninety-five," Heidi said with practiced, pretend calm. She lifted the sheets and slapped on some gloves.

"But you said everything was fine over ninety," Josh challenged, feeling his stomach knot in a thousand different places.

"What's going on, Heidi?" Helen asked again as she jogged into the room, no longer smiling or at ease. She ripped off her lab coat and put a pair of gloves on.

"Significant drop in fetal heart rate in the last two minutes," the nurse addressed her, both ignoring the tense parents. She looked carefully in between Donna's rigid legs. "Damn it! Dr. Harrington, she has a prolapsed cord!"

"What does that mean?" Donna whispered desperately, looking to her husband. "I…I don't know what that means." He couldn't answer her with words; he could only shrug feebly as he physically felt the situation spinning out of control.

But thankfully for all of them, Helen didn't feel that spinning. "Get a team together, have someone from the NICU upstairs now," the doctor instructed quickly and coolly.

"They said they wouldn't have a room ready for twenty more minutes."

"Call in a bomb threat if you need to, just go get me an operating room right now!" Helen told her forcefully as Heidi raced out of the room.

"Helen, please tell me what the hell is going on!" Donna finally shouted to get her attention while more nurses gathered in the room at lightning speed, unhooking monitors as Josh and Donna looked on helplessly. "What's wrong with her, what's wrong with my baby?"

Helen finally stopped and crouched near the head of Donna's bed. "The baby's coming now," she explained as steadily as she could to the two of them. "But the umbilical cord is coming out first instead of the head and it's cutting off the baby's oxygen supply."

"Oh my God!" Donna cried out, tears spilling down her cheeks in fear. Josh could only look on stoically, nearly fainting from hyperventilating.

"We're going to perform an emergency C-section and have her out in the next five minutes," she continued, standing up and unlocking the bed. She and the others started pushing the bed out of the room and the only reason Josh was not left there alone standing in shock was because Donna had never released her grip on his hand.

'How the hell could this happen?' Josh though mutely as they all crowded into an elevator, the nurses prattling off foreign medical terminology and Helen attempting to keep Donna as calm as possible. 'Everything was fine; they told us everything was fine and now…Audrey was fine, everything with Audrey went exactly how it should. Why is this happening to Lexi?' Suddenly, he recalled a disturbing premonition he'd had many months ago. Sitting in Helen's office the day he and Donna found out there would be two babies instead of one, he'd stared down at the ultrasound photo and he'd known that something was going to happen, something bad that he wouldn't be able to prevent. 'Why the hell do I have to be right all the time?' he thought wearily as the elevator doors opened and the group sped down the hall before bursting through the doors of an operating room.

"We just paged the anesthesiologist, he'll be here in a few minutes," Heidi told Helen as they moved Donna from the bed onto a surgical table.

"No time for it. She's had an epidural already; we'll get some morphine on standby if she needs it. I'm gonna scrub up, I want this baby out in two minutes," Helen said, rushing out of the room.

Someone pushed a stool near Donna's head and directed Josh to sit down in it. She squeezed Josh's hand tighter and looked up at him. "Josh?"

"I'm here," he said roughly, finally speaking for the first time since this whole mess started. "I'm right here with you, I'm not gonna leave."

"Promise me something," she whispered so only he could hear. He leaned down until his ear was close to her mouth and as she said the words, he felt an iron, fiery claw pierce through his heart. As he digested her instructions, he pulled back to look into her watery eyes, begging for his understanding and acceptance. Almost against his will, he nodded imperceptibly and placed a kiss on her forehead.

"I love you," he murmured to her.

"If you have to choose, choose the baby," Donna repeated, leaving no question about her conviction.

"All right, let's get this little girl out!" Helen declared as she charged back into the room in full surgical grab. A sheet was draped over Donna's stomach, blocking it from their view. "We're going to get from mother to baby in under sixty. Start the clock. Scalpel." The instrument was placed in her hand and she immediately put it on Donna's stomach, slicing the taunt skin and peeling it back.

"God, please save her," Donna prayed quietly, biting down hard enough on her lip to the point of drawing blood. "Please save her, God. Please save my baby." Josh kept his lips pressed to her forehead, humming softly. They didn't say a word, didn't make a move, as they listened to the hospital staff trying to get to their daughter. Occasionally, Josh saw Donna wince in discomfort but she refused to vocalize her pain if there was any.

Finally, after what seemed like hours but was really exactly fifty-seven seconds, they heard Helen say, "Okay, here she is."

Donna grimaced as the baby was literally pulled from her womb but only asked, "Is she okay?" No one answered her; no one even let them look at their child before she was handed over to another group of doctors and nurses in the corner. Josh lifted up his head and craned it to try to catch a glimpse of her. All he saw was a ball of grayish matter before it was placed on an isolate and crowded around.

"Why isn't she crying?" he asked in a childlike voice. He couldn't look at his wife; he could only stare helplessly at the daughter he couldn't even see. He took both of Donna's hands and squeezed them firmly, feeling the tension reaching a breaking point.

"She will soon," Helen promised as she was still tending to Donna. She glanced down at her friend's face and saw that her eyes were clenched shut and her mouth was moving in silent, frantic prayer. Helen prayed herself that she wasn't lying to them. God must have heard both of them.

It started off as just a tiny whimper, so small even her doctors weren't sure they heard it. Then it got a little louder, a bit like the mewling of a kitten. Then it got even louder, causing her parents to hold their breaths in a hybrid of hope and fear. Then, finally, a good forty-two seconds after she was born, Alexandria Nicolette Lyman announced herself to the world.

"WAAAAHHHH!!!!"

There are places I'll remember  
All my life though some have changed  
Some forever not for better  
Some have gone and some remain…

Donna was dizzy with relief and she was grateful she was lying down. The thousand pound weight that had been pressing down so hard against her heart was suddenly lifted and she could do nothing but laugh, joyfully and gratefully, as the doctors wrapped Lexi up and brought her over.

All these places have their moments  
With lovers and friends I still can recall  
Some are dead and some are living  
In my life I've loved them all…

Josh didn't lift his forehead up when the baby finally began to cry or when Donna started to laugh for some reason. It was only when someone tapped his shoulder and he saw the miraculous image of Lexi, screaming and absolutely furious with the world, that he allowed himself the luxury of a smile. 

But of all these friends and lovers  
There is no one compares with you  
And these memories lose their meaning  
When I think of love as something new

It had been a long night but sleep eluded him. His wife was resting after her ordeal and his children were being cared for in the nursery. His mind told him that he should be there with them, watching over them, but he couldn't force himself to leave his wife after what she had asked of him in the OR. As much as he proclaimed that they did, not all of the answers came easily to him and trying to imagine his life without her was unquestionably unfathomable for him. 

Though I know I'll never lose affection  
For people and things that went before  
I know I'll often stop and think about them  
In my life I love you more

She could still see them, even as she slept with the aid of some medication. They had her eyes, that pristine blue their oldest sister would brag about tomorrow, but the rest of them was all Lyman, except for the their almost ebony curls. They were absolutely perfect though, Audrey Joan and Alexandria Nicolette. They were the children that she had hoped would save her marriage but she already knew they were destined for much more than that. 

Though I know I'll never lose affection  
For people and things that went before  
I know I'll often stop and think about them  
In my life I love you more

They didn't know what it meant to be a Democrat; they had no idea who Sam Seaborn or Leo McGarry or CJ Cregg were; they didn't understand why their parents had once used to date people they had no hope with; they couldn't see the birthmark Emma had that made her just slightly different than Natalie; they didn't realize how close they could have come to have never even been born in the first place, with all the crisis and turmoil their family had faced in recent years. None of this mattered to them, this past that didn't exist for them. They had no ties to that life so they had no need to try to return to it. All they had was the future their family would build for them.  

In my life I love you more


End file.
